The Price

By bluesocks

Sun, 23 Sep 2012
  • 913 reads
7 comments
 

Sunflower-yellow, plastic-green, divided
two-faced like I am two-faced
one lie annulling the other.
So small, not even a fingernail's-grip, but
what matters size?

It gives and takes. It gives by taking.
The pit, that bitter well
with the sunlight only a distant circle
is filled. Sealed over. I will not trip and fall
and fall and fall.

But the cement is happiness and the rivets joy.
They are denied me
Now.

I am content. That is all I am.

To hold off the despair I gave it delight.
Is that fair?
In truth, I cannot much care.

Certificate PG
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Comments

Submitted by Nolan on
Nice poem Bluesocks! An excellent description of that state of mind: “The pit, that bitter well with the sunlight only a distant circle is filled. Sealed over. I will not trip and fall and fall and fall.” Welcome to Abctales! Nolan &&
 

Submitted by bluesocks on
Thank you :) I wasn't sure if an image so personal would translate well to other people, so I'm really pleased you liked it.

Submitted by jolono on
Really nicely written. Enjoyed.

 

Submitted by bluesocks on
Thank you very much :)

Submitted by The Walrus on
This is a strong poem, bluesocks. I've been on antidepressants myself, and I still wander in and out of black moods that few people are capable of understanding. I recognise a lot of my own heavy, sometimes painful, sometimes anaesthetised experiences in this piece - the disjointedness, the couldn't give a toss feeling, the sense of not mattering much. Though it's brave and commendable to explore the dark side of such circumstances I sincerely hope that you still on occasion write about happier times (said he, whose surprisingly light-hearted stories are mostly about the damned).

Submitted by bluesocks on
Black moods is right - it may not be rational, but it feels very real when you're sunk in it. But writing about it is very liberating :) I do plan to keep writing - though I have no idea if any of it will come out happy... - so I really appreciate the encouraging feedback :) Thank you.

Submitted by The Walrus on
When you're down, bluesocks, you automatically think that you're the only one in the whole, wide world feeling like that - I know, believe me - but there are an awful lot of people in more or less the same sad boat. I'm glad you wrote and posted the piece, it's good for others to see (whether or not they've ever experienced anything similar). And, more importantly, it's a powerful tool in your own personal battle - writing and vigorous exercise are your best weapons against the assorted demons of depression.