Rain Man
By Silver Spun Sand
Sun, 17 Feb 2013
- 822 reads
7 comments
Rain – the sky’s way
of purging itself;
in the shelter of a porch –
painted his favourite shade
of bullshit pink,
I watch him leave.
Want to follow,
and, in my mind, do...
with a sense of so many
behind me – both the living
and the dead.
Something makes
me long to scatter
silver butterflies; not
like tears – but stars
to help them plot
their course.
I see him walking
the lanes, sitting on gates,
watching cows, and sheep...
slipping into corduroy folds
the colour of thunder....
fog shrouding
the peaks, the pylons
and the sky,
and the trying
to forget.
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Comments
Like the metaphor- 'the
Like the metaphor- 'the colour of thunder'
loved your poem Tina- says so much about man and nature at the same time.Personification- isn't that what it's called? Very good.
;)Pia
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tina: rich as always. a
tina: rich as always. a little tightening to suggest, perhaps cut "is" in the first line to read
Rain, the sky's way
of purging itself;
in the shelter of a porch
2nd stanza, perhaps
Want to follow,
in my mind do...
a sense of so many
behind me--both the living
and the dead.
3rd stanza, perhaps, first line cut " in my head" to read
Something makes
me long to scatter
silver butterflies;...
all suggestion geared to getting the "I" out of the poem as much as possible to better enable the reader to interact, rather than to take the tour. swep
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Hi Tina, there are some
Permalink Submitted by skinner_jennifer on
Hi Tina,
there are some beautiful metaphors in this poem,
especially that third stanza:-
Something makes
me long to scatter
silver butterflies; not
like tears - but stars
to help them plot
their course.
Really enjoyed reading.
Jenny.
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