Butter

By bosch

Sat, 26 Jan 2013
  • 885 reads
6 comments
 

Breakfast was real oatmeal
Every morning in Taos,
Served at the kitchen table
By the window. Ravens
In the courtyard.
You always put a dab of butter
In my bowl, covered it
So it would melt completely.

for S.

Certificate U
Poem
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by Bee on
I loved this. It makes a great pictue of a wonderful memory, and the words flow really well. Very special, Bee.
Bee

Submitted by bosch on
Bee: thanks for reading and for the interactive comment. i appreciate it. swep

Submitted by coolibah on
Swep, I'm a little confused by your title here as it makes the poem too secretive. What do you think of removing of kitchen from L3, as it's telly I feel, and changing that it in the finale to an I?

Submitted by bosch on
butter is integral, see line 5, and out front title to that and subsequent lines. kitchen is necessary for location, it could have been dining room, etc. gonna have to pass on "it" to "I", a bit too clever for me and contrary to my desire always for clarity and simplicity. thanks for reading, swep

Submitted by coolibah on
I don't mean to niggle you whatsoever, my friend, but L3 (kitchen) infers domesticity whereas 'Ravens in the courtyard' (L5) puns an inference towards an open market sts... like a Cafe scene. Assuming that the poem's a metaphorical ploy which compares true/real passion to the more fake and superficial kind, perhaps Margarine (ORIGIN late 19th cent.: from French, from Greek margaron ‘pearl’... Margaret is similar btw), as a title would give the reader (well, me at least) more clarity? Ps: while I love the consonance in the entry, rolled rather than real would make a very nice entry to another version or spin-off this write... just thinking out loud is all.

Submitted by bosch on
coolibah: kitchen states a location and "raven" is a detail outside the window in the courtyard. no collocational difficulty. the poem is not a metaphorical ploy and compares nothing to anything else, it simply creates a scene and a personal moment between the two that is an essence. coolibah, margarine, really? "real" oatmeal is non-microwave oatmeal. perhaps you're trying too hard. poetry is really a simple art. swep