10. N43

By chant

Sun, 14 Dec 2014
  • 887 reads
2 comments
 

Riding the night bus back to your
red-curtained studio, mud skies,
streetlights like lit Gauloises,
Got a smoke? a white boy asks,
& idly on the chill pane scribes
a heart, slits a line through it.
From the dry ice & drum of a club
he loped. If he’s surprised to see you
riding the night bus he doesn’t say.
The night is electric. Connected
he skims his phone. Where is he
going? It’s been a while since you
dated but when you bite into him
he’ll taste like freedom you’re sure.
Near Highgate, he jumps off, disappears
into woods. We must lead independent
lives & besides, what do you love?

@ianjmclachlan

Certificate U
Poem
A London Vampire

Comments

Submitted by bosch on

line 8 perhaps "he emerged" rather than "he loped"

 

last line "into woods.  What do you love?" cutting the didactic "..We must lead independent/lives and besides." if there's anything you need to watch out for it's your tendency toward commentary on the situation in the poem, even as above

Submitted by bosch on

perhaps, 4th line from end,

you expect he'll taste like freedom