All day at the King's

By elephantellie

Thu, 08 Oct 2015
  • 879 reads
6 comments
 

Tide marks in my cup,

To what do I deserve this,

Hello, can I help?

Certificate U
Poem

Comments

Submitted by scratch on

Second line needs an extra syllable elephantellie.

I’m assuming that you’re posting haikus, if so they need to be 3 lines of 5 7 5 syllables respectively, elephantellie.  If they’re not intended as haikus then I apologise unreservedly.

 

Submitted by elephantellie on

Yes it was meant to be a haiku and I had missed a syllable. Thanks :)

Submitted by scratch on

yes

It's fixed now.

I liked the other one that you put up.  Did you have second thoughts about it?

 

Submitted by elephantellie on

Ah thank you! Yeah I like Edinburgh Rain but it doesn't work as a haiku. I thought I might work on it more to see if it can follow correct form...if it won't work I'll put it up as just a 'poem'!

Submitted by scratch on

Any way to win, elephantellie

angel

 

Submitted by paborama on

A fine haiku for National Poetry Day. I enjoyed the sense of place, hopelessness and 'customer-face'.