Legitimate feelings (depressive mix)

You said that I shouldn't be ashamed of this raw spectre, the new
ghost in me. This like a ouija board invoked this demon vampire,
sucking the life from my already wilted heart. Others can sit upright
in that casual lean that reminds me of a sunlit corridor and tastes of
seven years ago but I am left crawling, the agony seeping through my
capillaries like a caustic burn. Reach out your hand and the serpent
coiled within my breast, smouldering, smoky, fights the desire, the
burning wish to hold on. Sense slips, soaking into strained air. I pull
back yet am sucked in - resistance cracks and crumbles, I am rendered a
shattered polystyrene girl and I have to surrender. I slip my own cold
hand with its torn neurones and numb case into another's warm.

Sit by my side an ally in war for one small hour of the weekly battle.
I hide behind your shield and for a short time am safe. Then the hour
of the week is over for the week. Left lying, prostrate, aloof,
chilled. Sickness creeps over the empty space, only the vestige of
words ringing hollow across the long dining room that is my year. All
my guests have left the feast, the scraps and dishes and ruins are
scattered and I don't know where to begin. Even though you have also
left, the ghost of our time together haunts my mind, my dreams, my
language, my blood.

So I am trapped . I had a throbbing soul-pain, cut between past and
present and your form of packaged help was the morphine in my mental
veins. Distraught and weary I wandered into the temple of light. God of
power and God of might the only hope where candles die, leaving just a
wisp of smoke; smokey dreams mailed to heaven. Overcome, overwhelmed,
past saturation point, burst like a pollen sack, busted, bruised,
wounded, sending up my sighs, mourning and weeping in the vale of
tears. Who would turn eyes of mercy towards me. Exiled from the world
of men by my own mind, I am floating alone, always alone and send this
message in the hope that it reaches someone across the vast sea of
space.