Spontaneous Goodness

Jeremy often looked at the people around him, with a rather
old-fashioned view of life, believing that everyone was really unhappy.
He thought this because all people seemed to want to do, was fight
amongst themselves, mug old folk and have illicit affairs with their
best friend's husband or wife (depending upon which takes their fancy).
Often he dreamt of making things better for the world. Of course, he
didn't actually bother doing anything; well! What was the point? There
was no special qualities about him, and he only had half a dozen
friends; his mother Mam, his Canary - Camilla, his tortoise Timothy,
Sydney the spider who lived on his car wing mirror and of course the
two dear old ladies who lived in the house next door - Elizabeth and
Jennifer Corbaile.

Elizabeth and Jennifer both loved Jeremy so much, that they considered
him as the son that neither of them ever had. Occasionally, Jeremy
would get rather annoyed with them; especially when they gave him
sweeties and bought him comics from the newsagents down the road, but
he put up with it. In fact it brought a smile to his face, to think of
the happiness that he brought to their lives, and he frequently prayed,
that someday, he could do the same for the world.

One night, after a long day of dreaming boringly good thoughts. Jeremy
knelt down by the side of his bed and began saying his prayers to the
Lord God of goodness. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck, as
they all began one by one to stand on end. Opening one eye and slowly
turning around, he saw a tall, thin figure, with wings stood behind
him, glowing radiantly, with a yellowish, goldish - well! Glow really.
Now he opened the other eye, and after a moment he said "Hi ", very
nervously indeed. " Hi?" Said the tall figure, rather inquisitively. "
I assume, that is the new way of saying hello, is it? There was a
moment's silence before he spoke again "OK then, my name is Bushy, St
Bushy to you, and the boss (pointing up), has asked me to grant you one
wish, to help you fulfil your dreams of goodness, and guide your people
back to peace.

" WOW!" Exclaimed Jeremy "how long have I got to decide?" St bushy
considered this question for a moment, after all, most people already
know what they want to wish for. "Two days", came the reply. Jeremy was
still in a state of shock and it must have been three minutes before he
realised that St Bushy was still standing there. "Thank you, thank you
very much. I shall think really hard and make a good choice" and
bidding farewell to the tall glowing figure, with wings, he stood
admirably by, as he vanished in a blinding - well! Glow really.

As the first day went by, Jeremy spent most of it dreaming about a
happy world, where there was no violence, where everybody was every
body else's friend, especially his. But he had no idea, how to make the
world happier, with only one wish. He tried, and he tried but he
couldn't. He even had a three-hour discussion with Camilla and Timothy,
Camilla had plenty to say of course, but she couldn't care less about
the outside world, seeing as though she had never seen it. So to her it
was not a cruel and evil place. Jeremy plodded on with his mindless
chatter, seemingly getting nowhere, until finally he went home to
bed.

On the morning of the second day, he asked his mother for any ideas
that she might have, " Oh yes my dear; we should ban religion, that is
the cause of most wars and genocide, all throughout history." Jeremy
silenced her at this point, fearing that St Bushy might hear, and then
he may decide not to come back.
"It's true though." She said, "just think about it; all those nuclear
and chemical weapons, that them Israelis, Iranians and all them other
countries are stock piling." Before it got too much, Jeremy walked out
of the house, got into his car and drove to the local beach for a walk.
As time went bye, he tried to think of a wish, but his thoughts were
overtaken, by what his mother had said, regarding nuclear weapons. All
of a sudden, it came to him, he knew what he was going to wish for, he
quickly jumped into his car, rushed home to tidy his bedroom, write a
farewell letter to his mother, and prepare a speech for the
world.
Night fell, and Jeremy knelt by the side of his bed, saying his prayers
as usual, this time, when he felt the hairs on the back of his neck
rise, he simply said "See ya soon. Amen." He then slowly turned around,
with a big cheerful grin on his face. St Bushy was stood there, glowing
as before, with his wings out stretched behind him, from one end of
Jeremy's bedroom, to the other. "Well!" He said, "what will your wish
be then?"
Jeremy took a deep breath, as if he was about to make a very long wish
indeed, "I wish to spontaneously combust and radiate all of the
goodness and kind thoughts from inside of my heart, all over the entire
planet." St Bushy's jaw dropped, he stared, first at Jeremy, then at a
pair of used smelly socks near the door. He then began shaking his head
in disbelief. He looked back at Jeremy and said "are you sure about
this?" "Of course" came the reply "every little bit must help "
"Very well" said St bushy, then bowing his head, closing his eyes and
placing his hands together as if in prayer, he began to emanate a ray
of light down over Jeremy, first his feet, raising slowly up to his
shoulders and head. Here it stopped and the room went dark for a mere
moment, leaving Jeremy confused. It was only for a moment, as he found
himself suddenly exploding, inwards so to speak, and as his soul
shrivelled up and disappeared, he could see the rays of goodness
emanating for miles around him and so it vanished happily into thin
air.

Unfortunately, the term miles, was simply in comparison to the size of
his soul just before it vanished through a little pinprick in our
world, which we call reality, into the place where souls go
afterwards.
The actual real distance that his goodness travelled, was in fact four
metres, two centimetres, and 6 ? millimetres. Therefore Jeremy slightly
overestimated how good his thoughts were (at least it hit the
clock).

St Bushy stood, still shaking his head in disbelief. After a moments
pause, he pulled out his mobile phone, pressed the redial button and
waited.
"Oh! Err Hi, sorry! I mean, hello sir" St Bushy fell silent for a
moment, as the receiver of his call, spoke to him. God had such a
mystical voice, that anyone who listens to him, other than a saint,
tends to forget what was said and usually has to make something up, so
that people don't laugh. Then St Bushy said "No I'm sorry but it didn't
go too well,.." St Bushy was again silenced, before, he spoke again
"Yes I know you thought good and hard whilst choosing this
candidate,&;#8230;" again he was interrupted, he spoke again. "No, I
don't think that he is going to be as much trouble as Saddam
Hussein,..."
St Bushy "Yes I'm afraid he did, &;#8230;"
God " "
St Bushy " I don't know where they get the idea from either."
God " "
St Bushy "Yes, I know they're not very clever. It certainly confuses
me, to think of why they get this sacrificial idea in their heads, and
ask to be barbarically blown up&;#8230;."
God " "
St Bushy "No, I wouldn't like to try it either&;#8230;"
God " "
St Bushy "No, I won't forget the clock, it is quite handy knowing it
always tells the correct time, and even better that it doesn't need
batteries."
God " "
(Sorry, but I forgot what God said, so you will have to
improvise.)

Meanwhile, the dust mites were tidying up all the bits of dust.
Pushing them all to one side of the room, ready for Jeremy's mum to
hoover up on Tuesday.
St Bushy picked up the clock and vanished in a spectacularly bigger
glow than the first glow. He didn't pay much attention to the letter on
the side addressed to Jeremy's mum. Saying.

Mam

I love you lot's, and you know I always have. I have asked St Bushy to
spontaneously combust me, in the hope that it will help make this a
better world for you to live in. For that wish I mean.

Goodbye, I love you and will miss you so much.

Signed, Jeremy.

P.S. See you in heaven.

Of course, when she actually read it and saw the scorched remains of
one foot still in its slipper, she was deeply upset. If she had only
known that he was telling the truth, then she would have told him to we
wish to win the lottery at least twice a year for the rest of her life.
Giving some to charity of course.

Sadly, all she had left of his short legacy. Was a collection of very
tidy dust mites, who appear to have left Jeremy's bedroom, spotlessly
tidy. Then a brainwave hit her; she could become a millionaire after
all, with her amazing new cleaning skills. She could go to people's
houses leaving it spotless, and after a careful breeding program she
could do palaces at weekends. "God bless you Jeremy" she said, "you had
made this world a better place for me after all".

THE END

(At least for Jeremy, perhaps not his soul)