For The Longest Time

I dreamt of you last night and woke up crying.
My body ached, there was a burning in my stomach, and all I could hear
was that Billy Joel song in my head, playing over and over again.

You were back and when I asked you why, you said your father had given
you a free ticket home, but deep down inside I knew that you had come
back for me.

There was a boat in the open sea and a boy next to me, but compared to
you, he was so small and insignificant. Together we laughed and stood
against the wind, and there was a wonderful adventure that no one else
understood.

And suddenly we were in a room with sand coloured walls, green floors,
and friends who told me it was my birthday. And as I sat and celebrated
with them, you were there sitting in a corner, waiting for me. My gift
for being so patient, so good all these years.

I laughed and listened to their empty words, but all I really wanted
was for them to leave so that I could curl myself up into your lap and
press my fingers to your lips. And I knew, this burning in my stomach
told me that you would always be there, waiting, never giving up on
me.

I woke up crying, chest heaving, it was only a dream, and in that
moment when your body is still caught in the web of sleep, and your
mind is still full of dreams and unspoken wishes, your walls are down,
your barriers are unprotected, a chrystal voice creeps into your head
and speaks the truth, no matter how much you hate it.

I stared at the wall, swallowed, as Billy Joel sang "For The Longest
Time" over and over again.
The little voice said "I miss you. I still miss you."
And the part that hurts, that makes my lungs ache, is that you did give
up on me, you did leave, and now that I know that you never really
cared for me, it's not hard to see that you willl never be in that
corner, waiting for me.