in the morning x2 by ab27
Thu, 2005-10-20 09:35
#1
in the morning x2 by ab27
http://www.abctales.com/story/ab27/in-the-morning-in-the-morning
I found this story/poem very refreshing; it's a different style to what is common. You have used some wonderful sentences; I just wanted to keep reading it. Sometimes with structures like this you have one or two strong paragraphs, and weaker ones, but you have managed to create a whole load of good ones.
It's a great read!
AliciaB
thanks Emma. I wasn't sure how understandable it was to someone who doesn't live in Dubai! the most hedonistic ex pat haunt in the world! I thought I would try a stricter kind of writing style, trying to keep the syllable lengths the same for most sentences as a challenge to myself.
I read your pieces HATE and ClingON... they are both emotive and I can feel the raw ache, desperation, longing, fear in them... they effectively convey this. It's very honest writing, which I think is the best writing.
I think by combining the narrative, situational power of HATE with the looser, more metaphorical style of ClingON, this would make for a cracking read. By heavily using metaphor it allows you to pull away from the literal emotion a bit more! Try it!
Hope this helps.
Thx for your feeback!
Alicia
AliciaB
http://www.abctales.com/node/545589
i think it changed cos I changed the title to 'Dubai Talks'
AliciaB
http://www.abctales.com/node/545589
i think it changed cos I changed the title to 'Dubai Talks'
AliciaB
http://www.abctales.com/node/545589
i think it changed cos I changed the title to 'Dubai Talks'
AliciaB
http://www.abctales.com/node/545589
i think the node changed cos I changed the title to 'Dubai Talks'
AliciaB
http://www.abctales.com/node/545589
i think the node changed cos I changed the title to 'Dubai Talks'
AliciaB
http://www.abctales.com/node/545589
i think the node changed cos I changed the title to 'Dubai Talks'