Retrieval by Byrne

this is a lovely idea, that the last person you are thinking of is the one you end up with, and though the concept of gurdian angels is not a new one it is done very well with a fresh feel. Crit: I didn't really understand why she had felt Bryan's presence and not the others and was not to sure why Bryan was like he was at the end. It left me a little confused. ty for the read Juliet

Ms Byrne, you are on a roll! I really enjoyed The Raven and Retrieval, both excellent in entirely different ways. Please don't change the ending of Retrieval, I know it's a happy ending but it's a good ending and it made me a little misty-eyed. L x

Your prose is excellent. I have stated before on this board - I am an absolute fan of your strong voice and original treatment of ideas. Keep'em coming! And I thoroughly enjoyed this story, the premise, fresh approach etc ect... However, although I understand the deliberate flaunting of rules by excluding quotation marks in this piece, I think it confuses where confusion is not necessary - even if, perhaps, you mean to confuse the reader. Perhaps to put them into a similar state as the narrator? Perhaps being too clever - and I know there is a fashion in some writing circles to not use quote marks - sometimes, just because you can doesn't mean your should... only my humble opinion on an excellent and absolutely enjoyable story. Regards, Frances Check out my website: http://www.francesmacaulayforde.com

Stunning! Loved how mundane this afterlife is, with ghost nanas who still need helping over fences!

Thank you all for your helpful comments guys. I really felt that the whole Bryan thing was not clear enough - my boyfriend said that too when he read it. I need to have a muse on that I think. Had some trouble with the ending - have realised with this story that if I try and write something without having a clear vision of where it ends, I really struggle! Thanks again.