My First Story

"Just over the horizon, the sun's golden rays were breaking above the mountains. Illuminating the ground with their warm ambience and once again casting the world into the busy activities that day would bring. Alone on the front porch of her house that she lived in with her father and mother, Lilia Bennett sat curled comfortably on a chair with a book in hand purely enjoying the soft melody of dawn and absorbing the emotions created by the mass of words on each page of the story." Ditch the weather, no one cares. your first lines should suck ppl in, make them wanna find out more. Its called a hook. "The sound of approaching footsteps aroused Lilia from her reading and caused her head to look around in question as to who, or what, was approaching. A deep familiar voice filled her ears and broke the silence of the dawn." Aroused is the wrong word. Plus you are trying to hard. your sentences are to complicated. Say it simply. It seems like you trying to write in a classic style. If thats what you want, go for it. But i dont recommend it for a first attempt. Write about what you know is a good rule. Its quite long... bit to long for me to read right through right now. But if u would like i can send u via email some great articles to improve your writing.