A strange reading

Hi Parantap, Welcome to ABC tales. I really enjoyed your piece. I visited India 2 years ago and though I didn't visit your area, I loved my time over there. It is a beautiful land but full of suffering. You need to tidy up your punctuation (grammar is actually quite good although you have missed an odd word out here and there). Ensure you capitalise at the start of every sentence. You also have speech marks in the wrong places and every time a character speaks for the first time...new paragraph. It makes it so much easier to read and follow. ie “Why do you come and work in our country? Don’t you think that because people like you come, so called upper cast people like me here in India can become couch potatoes and do nothing?” I asked. "Because I guess you don’t have poverty in yours.” I remarked with a lot of disgust, because a felt kind of ashamed that we need a stranger from 5000 miles away to serve the poor of our county. His answer shocked me "We give 200 meals a day on railway platforms in Paris, if that’s not poverty what is?” I also love the poem Abou Ben Adhem but you only need to put in a few lines (the most pertinent) and the reader can look up the rest because it takes up too much as a percentage in a piece this short. I think the story, which did capture my imagination at the beginning has room for expansion. It seemed too short and I was left feeling unsatisfied. One suggestion is that you build on the description around the conversation above. If you can get hold of a copy of Yan Martell's 'Life of Pi' read how he achieves this in Pi's conversation with Father Martin "Catholics have a reputation for severity, for judgment that comes down heavily. My experience with Father martin was not at all like that. He was very kind. He served me tea and biscuits in a tea set that tinkled and rattled at every touch; he treated me like a grown-up; and he told me a story. Or rather, since Christians are so fond of capital letters, a Story." Whenever I remember Pi's encounter with the priest I remember the tea set rattling. Martell sets the scene brilliantly and I think you could perhaps benefit from adding similar descriptive, scene-setting into your work. jude "Cacoethes scribendi" http://www.judesworld.net