**Tripping Through The Cyber Zoo** A Guided Tour.

I decided to go and take a look at the latest addition to the Cyber Zoo; the Technosheep.

As I approached the enclosure a voice said “Want a guide mate?”
“No thanks.” I said. I had a bit of a headache and didn’t fancy any company.
“You’ll miss a lot without a bit of inside information.” He persisted.
And so it was I gained a guide.

“That’s yer first gen genetically modifieds” he said pointing at a group of Technicolor sheep.
The purples and some of the reds were lovely but the blues were a bit harsh and hard on the eye.
Then I saw a group of animals that looked almost like ‘Borg’ with metal appendages and strange skin conditions that seemed to cause interesting patterns of almost Celtic design... usually in blue or black.

“That’s yer second gen – crossed with a bit of wolf DNA. Hasn’t turned out as expected though and they keep attacking each other.”
I noticed the lambs of that group were biting their parents ‘ankles’ and constantly trying to escape their pen and attack the other lambs.
“What’s that group over there?” I asked pointing to an almost attractive group gambolling on the grass.
“Ah, the Love Lambs. They’re part of an attempt to extend the gene pool.” He said mysteriously.
Then pointing to an enclosure adjacent to the lambs he explained that, for a fee, it was possible to get a closer, private, encounter with the lambs and that the ‘Wellys’ were complementary.

I went over to take a closer look and noticed that all the lambs eyes were ‘dead’ and mentioned my observation to my guide.
“Yer.” he said “Most of the sheep are still on grass but this lot are given poppy."
I felt a bit ill and said I was ready to look at some of the other animals, ones you might be more likely to expect in a zoo. Off we went.

“These are the Ostriches. Spend most of their time with their heads in the sand discussing divine sands of bygone years by means of vibrating their beaks in the sand. They don’t know it but they haven’t got long left as they’re about to be replaced by an extension of the Monkey House.”

He showed me the Monkey House which would have been more aptly named the Ape Abode.
Many of the monkeys looked thin and unwell and I could see the odd gorilla mixed in with them.
I mentioned this to my guide and he explained...

“yer. The clever monkeys figured out a way to open the cage doors – they found a few dim gorillas who were happy to work for peanuts and got them to take all the bananas off the rest of the monkeys.”
I was wondering why the ‘Keepers’ hadn’t interfered but I was feeling too dizzy to bother so I suggested we go to the cafe.

******************************************************

Unexpectedly, the cafe was running an old repeat of a Star Trek spin-off... Deep Space Nine, I think.
A doctor Bashir and an Irish character, who seemed to be an engineer, were stranded on some planet that was having terrible problems with dangerous Climate Changes and other, worrying , phenomena that was having a very detrimental effect on the people.

At least this is the impression I got through the constant chatter, and clouds of smoke, coming from the Technicolor Techno sheep who were sprawled about the place looking bored.
Anyway, it turned out that the planet had a sort of god, a kind of ‘Collective Unconscious’ that was usually directed by ancient rituals but the old Shaman had died and his replacement didn’t have the confidence to perform the ritual.

Meanwhile, one of the techosheep who had no fleece at all but was covered in black skin marking which had formed into words like ‘Kill and Hate’ was getting very aggressive with a female (lovely flame-red fleece) about something trivial and I couldn’t follow the TV dialogue.

It reminded me of that wonderful old Shakespeare rip off - set in the future when a spaceship lands on a planet only to be attacked by the power of the Id of a scientist who had greatly increased his brain power by using a child’s toy made by the previous occupants who had mysteriously disappeared... (Forbidden Planet – I think, definitely ready for a remake!).

Made me wonder if there could be any truth to the Buddhist idea that we somehow create reality.
Not just by changing the physical world but also by our attitudes and beliefs.
Could there really be a ‘Collective Unconscious’ that somehow reflected the paradigms and prayers of the people?

Would modern education be an effective way to unify the disparate elements of this ‘Consciousness’ or would it be simply a way to consolidate the Status Quo?

Meanwhile ‘flame-fleece’ was getting very voluble. My goodness could she bleat!
She was still faintly attractive but obviously old beyond her years – I figured her for an ex-Love Lamb never really happy since she left Bo Peep’s Place.
I couldn’t stand the ‘aggro’ any longer so putting aside all hope of catching the end of DS9 I left the cafe.

******************************************************

No sooner had I stepped out than my ‘guide’ reappeared.
“Hello” I said “I thought you had disappeared.”
“Nah, I like to keep an eye on the zoo. I am a keeper after all – well more of a ‘watcher’ now.”
“Why don’t you do something about the animals? At least do something about the monkeys!”
“Too risky, mate. New owners don’t like you changing things. More than my job’s worth to interfere.”

I was ready to leave and said so.
“Nah, ya can’t go before you’ve seen the Cyber-Parrots. Specially bred using the Dawkins technique. They’re really good talkers, can’t fly and soon go deaf but they do talk well.”
“Why do they call them Cyber Parrots?”
“Well, they’ve had a cybernetic implant attached to their bird brains... it allows them to connect to the ‘Net when they get stuck for answers.
You can always tell because they get slow in answering and start quoting what other people have said in a slightly bewildered fashon.”

“Not for me” I said “Seen plenty of similar creatures before."
“Well then, before you go come and meet, Pete. He’s another ‘keeper’... he’s a bit slow and he doesn’t always know what day it is – but the animals love him and he has a bit of a knack for poetry.

******************************************************

So we went to see Pete and sure enough he was a bit ‘special’ but he did a very entertaining rendition of his poem with suitable voices for each character and threw in amusing little gestures as a kind of bonus.
The poem wasn’t great but I caught its drift and I did like the ending. It went something like this...

“What is it you want young man, can’t you see we’re having tea?”

“It’s about the starving servants, Ma’am, that you had tied to that tree.”

“I suppose you think that I should forgive them, let them off and set them free?”

“Well, it would seem like a good idea Ma’am, change your mind and let it be...”

“I’ve given orders that some new staff be brought in to take their place.”

“But they won’t arrive ‘till tomorrow Ma’am, even at full pace.”

“I’ll not release those rascals; they stole poor Percy’s food.”

“But your dog is a trifle heavy Ma’am, I don’t mean to be rude.”

“Percy is a thoroughbred, young man, he’s meant to be quite fat.”

“Thoroughbred dogs need exercise Ma’am unlike a well-bred cat.”

“There’s no excuse for stealing food, that’s all I have to say.
They stole the meat poor Perce should eat, and now they have to pay.”

“But you went off to your sisters, Ma'am and all the food ran out."

"It does them good, occasionally, to have to do without...
Take Percy for a walk now and then see about some tea.”

“Why should I do that... Ma’am, this hall belongs to me!
Your grand-father stole this land from mine while he was off to war –
when he returned he found the hall with your crest above the door.”

“My ancestors were powerful men and took what caught their eye –
But we fed and clothed your family, sir – do you say I lie?”

“My family became servants abused in their own home –
treated worse than animals and fed on crust and bone!”

“How dare you sir!” her husband said “This hall is truly mine.”

“You lost the Hall at cards last night; when you had too much wine.”

“You lie you swine!” the husband said “I’ll have you thrown in jail.”

But when the young man pulled out the deed the husband turned quite pale.

“Sherriff take these squatters and tie THEM to that tree –
Now we’ve freed my family it is time to feast with me!"

******************************************************

The guide went on to explain that no-one remembered who built the zoo.
It was rumoured that when it was first built it was designed to be self-contained.
That then all the creatures had their place and all the places had their creatures.
Pleased with his zoo The builder had gone off and despite many rumours of his return...
Meanwhile unscrupulous people had come along and appointed themselves as Trustees.
Eventually, they had become the new owners in all but name and had started making major changes. Many people were not happy with the new ‘managers’ most especially the keepers.
The majority of the animals were not being properly watered and fed; unless they were favoured by the ‘bosses’ in which case they were over-fed and many became fat and lazy.

To cut a long story short...
The hope was that The Builder’s son would return and win back the zoo.