Blue and Yellow

Looking back at old memories I can remember meeting you, it all started on my first day at Newport high
I walked in through the heavy metal doors, knowing I couldn’t ask someone for directions without looking like an idiot I just wandered around aimlessly. Seeing all the graffitited lockers and students I immediately realised this wasn’t my scene. Everyone here looked like clones and it wasn’t even a uniform school. The girls all had on denim skirts and brightly coloured wife beaters, with white flip flops on. All the guys had on loose fitted jeans and either a white, baby blue, or pink polo on. I stuck out like a child molester standing outside a day care, someone everyone notices but chooses to ignore. I was wearing my skin tight black skinny jeans, and Atreyu girls T-shirt, oh and my black and white checkered vans.
After walking around for about five minuets I saw big brown doors that said ‘head office’ I walked up to the doors, when all of a sudden they burst open - hitting me in the face, causing me to hit the floor. I looked up, seeing a beautiful girl standing over me. She looked like a dark angel, her long black hair and snow white skin “are you alright?, I’m so sorry I’m such a retard!!” once I sat up I had to clutch my head, everything had started to spin “huh, yea I’m fine, it was my fault. I should have been more careful”
“no, it really was my fault!, here let me help you up” she pleaded with me
“it’s alright I’m fine I really am, but thank you for making sure I was ok,” I replied
“it was my fault why wouldn’t I help you up?” she questioned me, with a ‘are you stupid’ look etched into her face. “you seem different, you’re not a clone! There isn’t anyone else like us in this school is there?” I questioned. “nope, just me…and apparently you now too”
“awesome…well do you wanna ditch and waste some time with me?”
“waste some time??” she asked
“yea, you know, hang out.. do something? Chill” I replied trying to seem cool
“ha!, sure I’ll waste some time with you” she smiled
~
I had been at Newport for about three months, and I remember that day clearly, it was the day I realized I was madly in love with you
“it’s all in how you mix the two!, it won’t taste right if you don’t mix it properly!!!” she nagged “don’t put the flour in yet!!, the egg’s aren’t mixed properly!” Sarah giggled as Mrs. Baker screamed at me. Her name was kind of fitting for a cooking teacher. “Craig!, I swear if you don’t poisonous all you’ll set us on fire!, don’t you dare put that oven past 350 to heat it up!” Sarah screeched at me. “don’t leave it open!!, close the oven door, or you’ll loose your baking privileges” I mocked Mrs. Baker.
“well Craig, if you know the rules so well why don’t you follow them?” I turned around to see the old hag standing right there. I looked over to see Sarah trying to hold back her fits of laughter, her eyes were watering, and she had flour on her nose. The way the light was shining on her - she looked absolutely amazing. I just wanted to kiss her right then and there. I realized what I just thought, when all of a sudden I heard ranting “don’t look so surprised Mr. Jones!, you knew you were going to get into trouble for mocking me, you always do!, it’s suck a pity you can’t just behave like everyone ELSE in this classroom!, and we all have to suffer because of you” it seemed I had tuned back in to hear the rest of mrs. Bakers lecture…then the bell rang, and I darted out of the class while she was still yelling. I just couldn’t get the thoughts of Sarah out of my head, why did I see her like that? It’s not like I was in love with her. Was I?? oh my god! I’m in love with a girl who’s practically like a sister to me! What’s wrong with me?
I walked into the lunch room, and sat and our usual table. But something was weird, Sarah wasn’t there yet. She was always there before me. “hey Craig!” Sarah said, as she walked up. “I want you to meet someone.”
I noticed a boy walking slowly behind her, staring at her ass with a perverted grin. I wondered why he was following her, seeing as he was one of the many preppy jocks at our school. “this is Bobby, he just asked me out!” she stated. She seemed so happy. I felt completely heart broken,

I can still remember the pain.
“oh, that’s g-great, but um, I r-really have to go, my mum told me I have a doctors appointment” was the lie I spat out before running out of the school. too bad neither Sarah nor I saw the sick smirk on Bobby’s face, it could’ve probably saved us months of fighting, and tears if we had seen it.
~
That was when all the problems started, the drugs, the alcohol, the fights, and when we thought we would never talk to each other again. Do you remember? Can you even hear me?
The best piece of advice I had ever learned from school was from Mrs. Baker actually. ‘it’s all in how you mix the two’ mmhm zombie dust. You know when it’s mixed right though, it starts just where the light exists. It’s so strong and over powering. You get so numb. You can’t miss the feelings, because you don’t remember how you feel, that’s how numb you get. Well most feelings, and most things. I would forget almost everything when I snorted some…except Sarah I could never forget her how could I? I couldn’t forget the feeling of seeing her with bobby either, after all she was with him all the time now. I thought she had forgotten about me too. Until she barged in “what the hell do you think you’re doing Craig?!?” she started to scream!
“what does it look like I’m doing Sarah??” I yelled back
“I don’t understand what I did wrong!, what anyone did wrong!, why would you do this to yourself!”
“all you did was fall in love, and you know how I know that?? It burns a hole through everyone that feels it!” I sobbed to her.
“everyone that feels what?” she carefully questioned me, not wanting to set me off again.
“heart break, seeing the person you love give their love away to someone else who doesn’t want or deserve it! that’s what!, I see the way you look at Bobby, and I see the way he looks at everyone else!, I fucking love you, you love him, and he doesn’t love anyone cause he’s a fucking heartless monster!, and you know what? I wish I was just like him!, I wish I had you!, but you know why I mostly want to be like him? Especially right now! Because I wish I don’t love you!! He obviously doesn’t love you!, and I wish I don’t either!” I forcefully screamed. tears streamed their way down my face, and my throat burned after my rant. When I had looked up I saw her eyes glistening, pain and heart break were completely visible in her eyes. “that’s not true! T-take it back! take it back right fucking now!!” she whispered. Her voice was trembling too.
“why should I take back the truth?” I growled back
“it’s a lie! It’s all a fucking lie! Don’t you dare lie to me! You’re a fucking junkie, and a liar! Don’t you dare ever come near me again! do you understand me?” she screamed
“fine, I won’t ever utter another fucking word to you again! All my wasted time gone, you’re a bitch. I don’t know why I ever became your friend.” the words just came spewing out of my mouth, I didn’t mean any of them, I wish I could blame the drugs, but I knew it was my wounded heart.
“because you couldn’t find anyone else to be your friend, but now I guess you don’t need friends - you have drugs instead. So goodbye Craig, it was nice knowing you in the beginning.” was the last thing she said before she left.

That was one of the many fights we had, and it was the last time you spoke to me for a while. When we started talking again…you thought I was off drugs, and I thought you and Bobby broke up…we were both wrong
There was a knock on my door. “what the hell do you want? It’s…12:45 in the afternoon!! What kind of person would even be awake at this hour?” I screamed at the door.
“Craig? it’s Sarah…can I come in?” I heard a quite response. Her voice sent tingles down my spine, and it also got me to shoot up out of bed, and hide some things that shouldn’t be seen. “hold on!, I’ll be right there.” I yelled.
“Craig, neither of us meant what we said right? I mean, we haven’t talked for two years because of some stupid and childish fight. I want the nonsense to stop. I was wondering if…..uhh…if you maybe want to get to my wedding?” she almost whispered.
“you’re getting married? To who?”
“Bobby, we never stopped…” she tried to say, but I cut her off.
“get out!” I demanded
“Craig! what - “ she tried again
“I said get the fuck out of my house!, how dare you come here and invite me to your wedding when you’re marrying him” I screeched.
“well fine!, but if you decide to be mature about it then here!” she handed me a little card, and stormed away.
I remember looking at the card…St. Andrews! HA!, to think that bastard would marry her in a church!, does he even know she’s not catholic? Or that she hates churches? He probably still doesn’t love her!.
And with that, I burnt the invitation. I was fuming…the stupid bitch actually expected me to go to her wedding?
[the wedding]
I can’t believe I’m actually showing up at her wedding!
Why am I doing this to myself?
Walking in I noticed I was a bit late very late.
I heard the priest say “does anyone object to this marriage? And if so speak now or forever hold your peace.” then the slam of the door I just walked through…OH SHIT!!
Everyone turned back to look at me.
“Craig?” Sarah gasped.“what can I say? I make a great entrance, “ I smirked at her.
She ran down the isle and kissed me. “I just knew you’d come!”
“what the hell is he doing here?” Bobby screamed.
“he was right, a long time ago he told me you never really loved him. I should’ve believed him, Craig loves me more the you could ever try to. And I love him too. Bobby I don’t want to marry you. I can’t I don’t think I love you.” she said, her voice was filled with confidence.
“fine, you little bitch, you think you can come up here and embarrass me? Well it was a dare to ask you out!, and I was cheating on you the whole time! I wasn’t even going to propose to you, you walked in, I was gonna propose to my other girlfriend Danielle…but you had to fuck that up!” he shouted…
Sarah didn’t even have to say anything to him, we just left.
----
Once Sarah was out of her wedding dress we were just walking around aimlessly.
“Craig?” she asked quietly.
“yea hun?” I replied
“ I want to waste my time with you” she blushed.
“I want to waste my time with you too,” I smiled at her.
“I can’t believe I didn’t realize I was in love with you!, I wanted to find love so badly”
“you’ll never find it if you’re looking for it darling, you only found it when you stopped looking.”
~
The months had passed, most of our problems were solved…but the drugs were still there, every shirt has a stain….the drugs were our stain, but we just ignored it, but it kept getting bigger and bigger until the shirt was just one big stain
“what’s wrong with you Craig? Am I not enough for you?” Sarah yelled at me.
“what are you talking about babe? Of course you are!, you’re more than I could ever ask for!”
“well then why are you still doing drugs?” she asked.
“babe, I’m not.” I lied through my teeth, and she knew it too.
“don’t you fucking lie to me! We both know you have a problem!, why can’t you just admit it?” she screeched.
“because, I don’t think it’s a problem!, it’s not effecting our relationship in any way!” I fired right back at her.
“not effecting our relationship?, you lost your job for not showing up, and when you did show up you were to stoned to do anything. You missed our one year anniversary!, you made dinner reservations and everything!, and forgot to show up to it!. You either forget everything or show up too high to function! It’s not fair to me…it’s not fair to us. You’re slowly killing our relationship, and yourself!. I want you to get help.” she said as calmly as she could…which wasn’t very.
“I don’t need help, help is for people who have problems..and I have no problem.”
“it’s either me or the drugs at this point Craig, I don’t think I can deal with you like this much longer.” she cried.
“that’s such a bitch move Sarah!”
“I don’t care!, I’m sick of you taking our relationship for granted.” she sobbed.
“I love you, but I can’t give up the drugs they’re my life!” I said, fully ashamed of myself.
“fine, have it that way, I’m gone. I knew I should have said something earlier, but no!. I thought I said it enough…apparently not.”
She stormed out of the house…since I was sober I chased after her. I got to the door in time to see her run into the middle of the street, in front of a car…I knew she didn’t do it on purpose, the car came out of nowhere!
~
I’ve been sitting in the hospital for two and a half weeks now. I don’t know if you’re ever going to wake up. The doctors say your condition isn’t improving. All I can do now is sit here and waste some time with you. I should’ve said something but I’ve said enough. My words keep fading, and my hands keep shaking, I’d really rather waste my time with you.
Sarah sat up in the hospital bed.
“I’m finished I swear!, I’m done with drugs, I love you, you’re my life, my world, my light! I need you like I need air, marry me Sarah?”
“of course, I love you to Craig…but I’m so tired right now, can I go back to sleep?” she said in the weakest voice I’ve ever heard her use. I could tell it was then end.
“of course hun, get your rest, but remember I love you.” I said, my voice was cracking. I can’t speak any more.
“I love you too.” she whispered as she fell asleep.
I wasn’t surprised when she flat lined not even five minutes later. She was gone, and never coming back.
I found my love, and she broke my heart. She loved me back. I ruined it. She died. And I’m willing to take everything back, just to have her alive again. I’ll go back and let her marry Bobby, as long as I know I she’s still alive.

My hands won’t stop shaking, and I don’t think I’ll ever speak again. I know I’ll never tough a single drug in my life ever again, not even Advil. It just hurts to know that it cost Sarah her life just so I won’t use even again.

Blue and Yellow - The Used
and it's all in how you mix the two
and it starts just where the light exists
it's a feeling that you cannot miss
and it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

well you're never gonna find it
if you're looking for it
won't come your way
well you'll never find it
if you're looking for it

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

and you never would have thought in the end
how amazing it feels just to live again
it's a feeling that you cannot missit burns a hole through everyone that feels it

well you're never gonna find it
if you're looking for it
won't come your way
well you'll never find it
if you're looking for it

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

should've said something but I've said it enough
by the way my words were faded
rather waste some time with you

waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste my time with you

should've said something but I've said it enough
by the way my words were faded
rather waste my time with you

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way my hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

BY MICHELLE ROSS