A Trifle Irritated

By drkevin

Mon, 16 Oct 2023
  • 332 reads
2 comments
 

Veins bulging dangerously in a puce face, the old man shrieked in frustration.

"You vile fiend! Dastardly blaggard. Devil's spital! I'll flog you, I tell you! Flog you, and skin you alive. Make a hat out of your stinking innards!! What demonic creation are you?! Never in my life have I come across such a monstrous, odious abomination!!!"

With a final X-rated expletive, Major Blimp-Smyth-Fortesque hurled the offending plimsoll with its impossibly knotted laces through the open French window. It disappeared through a high privet hedge and hit his neighbour smack between the eyes, knocking his expensive German binoculars to the ground.

"Ah! Bull's eye" muttered the Major. "Nosey bounder".

Limping out of the front door, he mounted his turbo-charged golf cart and went for a well deserved snifter. 

"I'll never get that plimsoll back now," he thought.

"But there was a hole in one, anyway."

 

Certificate 15
Story
Surreal
Humour
Other Fiction
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by Turlough on

A good 15-5-10 fertiliser and plenty of water would make the Major's hedge grow thicker, thus providing more privacy and averting any need for such unpleasantness.

All wars can be avoided if we think carefully about what causes them.

Turlough

Submitted by drkevin on

Oh, the Major gets on well enough with his neighbour (in fact he's having an affair with him).

It was the plimsolls he was lambasting.