Seaside II Chapter 4

 

A one night stay does not really count as an actual holiday. When I woke in the morning, I wished that I had booked another night. It seemed insane that we were already leaving. Bonnie didn’t want to get up at all. Despite her protestations, she had ended up drinking a lot of wine the night before and was still asleep after I had already showered and dressed. 

    “I’m going down to breakfast, Bon,” I semi-whispered to her.

    “Nooo, no, you can’t go down without me,” she groaned in reply.

    “Why not? I’m really hungry.”

    “Because they’ll think we’ve had a row or something,” she said, turning over and looking at me through half open eyes. 

    “Well, you had better get your arse out of bed then, hadn’t you?” I pulled back the duvet and she curled deeper into a ball.

    “No, fuck off, fuck off, fuck off,” she protested as she grabbed at the duvet, desperately tyring to rescue her comfort.

    “Well, either you get up or I’m going down for breakfast.”

    “No, I’ll get up. I’ll just get dressed and shower later.”

    “Gross,” I replied, letting go of the duvet.

    “It’s not gross, I don’t smell!”

She got up and threw off the tee shirt she was wearing. I pushed her back down onto the bed and kissed her on the neck as we fell.

    “Oh get off will you, I want my breakfast!” She was laughing, so I kissed her some more on the neck and then on the mouth. She half heartedly kissed me back.

    “You’re no fun,” I said as I stood back up.

    “What do you mean, no fun?”    

    “You never want to do anything when we go away.”

    “By anything, you mean sex?”

    “It’s true, it's like you just rule it out because we’re not at home.”

    “I didn’t ‘rule anything out’, I just want my fucking breakfast!” 

    “Even when we went to fucking Paris, even in Paris!”

    “I was ill in Paris!”

I walked to the far side of the room and looked out over the garden. I heard Bonnie get off the bed and take some clothes out of the travel case we had brought. I turned around and she was putting on a bra. Her fingers shouted anger and I wanted to cry. She kept her eyes downcast and picked up a tee shirt from the bed. I went to the door.

    “I’ll see you down there,” I spoke without looking at her. I closed the door behind me and stood on the landing. I wanted to go back and hug her. I could feel my pulse in my neck and my breathing had turned loud. I stood with my back to the wall and listened to the sound of breakfast being prepared below me. I didn’t want to go down on my own, for precisely the reason that Bonnie had mentioned earlier, even if we had now had an actual row. I opened the door and went back in. Bonnie was sitting on the bed looking down at the floor.

    “Look, let’s go down together,” I held out my hand and she looked up at me. She took my hand and sat down next to her. Opposite us was a dresser with a mirror and we could see ourselves in it.

    “You might want to do something with your hair first,” I said lightly. One side of her hair had forged itself into a small tower and was pointing out to the right. I felt her laugh and I stood up again, pulling her up by the hand as I did so. 

    “Put a brush through that and let’s go eat some fried food,” I said into her ear. She nodded and picked up a brush from the bed.

    “I hope there’s toast, like really nice toast, “ she said as she tackled her hair.

 

Bonnie opened the car door and looked at me over the roof. 

    “Can you drive? I mean, just this first bit down into Margate,” she said, her brow wrinkled.

    “Why? What’s up?”

    “I just don’t like driving in new places, I get all nervous.”

    “Bon, it’s going to be all new places all the way home later on today. How are you going to manage that?”

    “I’ll be fine later, I’m sure,” she said, walking around the car and handing me the keys. I took them from her and walked around to the driver’s seat. I started the engine and looked around at where we were parked.

    “Any idea which way it is?” I asked.

    “No. See, this is the bit I hate, we could be anywhere.”

    “I think perhaps you’re being a bit dramatic, there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll go the right way. Anyway, it’ll be fine once I can see the sea. We just need to go the other way from the way we walked yesterday. ok?” Bonnie nodded and I indicated to leave the space. I drove up the road that the guest house was on and took a left and then another left to go back the way we had been facing. Bonnie sat in silence gripping the sides of the seat. I could feel myself holding the steering wheel so tight that I wondered if it might snap. There was a car double parked in front of us, so I waited behind it.

    “It’s ok Bon, there’s nothing to worry about,” I said, still hunched over the wheel, my knuckles as white as clouds. She didn’t reply and sat further back in her seat. The car moved off and I drove to the end of the road. In front of us there was the blue horizon of the sea where we had set off last night. I felt my hands loosen and at the same time I noticed Bonnie let go of the seat. I laughed and held out a hand as if to say ‘look, it was just there all along’. Bonnie smiled back at me and I turned left. 

And these were the things that bound us together. These micro panics that wouldn’t make sense to the outside world, they were the fabric that we were woven from. The shared appreciation and support of our mutual neuroticisms was a balm that could heal most anything. Our earlier tired words were swept away and we drove along the seafront into Margate, both us beaming in wonderment at the possibilities of the day. 

    “Where will we park?” Bonnie asked as we sat at some traffic lights on the main seafront road. 

    “I have no idea, Bon. I haven’t been here since 1978 have I?” Bonnie crossed her arms and pursed her lips. I didn’t want to ruin our gentle glow so I resolved to dampen down this particular wave.

    “Look, there's a P sign there,” I pointed out in front of us to the white P on the blue background, a symbol that had survived from 1978. I indicated left and then as we encountered another P sign, we turned right into the car park. As I crept the car between the rows of vehicles, I felt overwhelmed by a swimmy sensation in my head. I stopped the car and pretended to look around for a space, even though there were obviously plenty.

    “Why are you stopping? Look there’s loads of spaces just here,” Bonnie pointed and I nodded.

    “Chris, are you ok?” I nodded again and swung the car into a space.

    “Yeah, I’m fine. I just remembered that I had been here before.”

    “But you have been here before, to Margate. 78?”

    “No, I mean, this car park. It feels like I was here really recently but that can’t be.” I shook my head as if to rid myself of the thought.

    “Maybe you went sleepwalking last night?” 

    “I don’t think I did.”

    “I was joking, you plum, “ she said, shaking her head slightly in disbelief at my muddled state, “come on, let’s go do Margate you weirdo,” she kissed me on the cheek and I came rushing back to the present day.