What if Gwyneth Paltrow had never made Sliding Doors

What if Gwyneth Paltrow had never made Sliding Doors
would Peter Howitt have never gone on to make Johnny English and Antitrust
that might have been better for him.

And maybe John Hanna,
unknown in America then,
might not have been cast in The Mummy
and The Mummy Returns
and those two films would have been even worse
though I still kind of like the first one
Blixa Bargeld does the voice of the mummy
would that have still happened.

And that sodding song,
by Dido,
would that have been everywhere for so long the way that it was.
My flatmate at the time played it endlessly.
I almost hated him for it,
but I got over it.

And Gwyneth,
would she still have made Shakespeare In Love
and The Talented Mister Ripley.
She might have been half the star she is,
not appear in tabloids,
and Heat,
with her bloody swan like neck,
and married the guy out of Coldplay
and have sprogs with silly names.
Who knows.

If someone else had stared in that film
I still wouldn't have seen it.