On rock, paper & scissors

i refuse to believe that paper could ever
beat
rock---
there are those
(in fact you may be one)
that swear by this game of chance
to make decisions ranging from the
choice of restaurant to have dinner at
to the name of their child
(if you don’t believe me---please explain to me
how it is that in the 21st century there are 5 year
old boys walking around with the name “Rex,”
and little girls named “Bertha”),
and being that they swear by this game,
they swear allegiance to that sheet of paper
which they know deep down in their
heart
of
hearts
could never ever
win in a
fight
against
rock.

a rock
is part of the
lithosphere---
that is, the outer layer of the
earth,
which is comprised of minerals & is separated into 3
categories---
igneous
sedimentary &
metamorphic---
long story short,
“for more than 2 million years,
humans and other hominids” to build
dwellings, tools, etc.

paper,
is a “thin material mainly used for
writing upon.”

if one believes in the power of paper over
rock, they should ask themselves some
questions---
have you ever started a fire with a
rock?
have you ever torn a rock in half?
ever come across a “rock shredder,”
as you most assuredly have at least heard about a
paper shredder in your time?
should we continue?

believers in paper over rock will say
“paper beats rock by covering it”
really?
if you throw a blanket over a snarling
tiger,
will it defeat the tiger?
if you wear a raincoat in a london
downpour,
is it an absolute fact that you will remain
completely
dry?

stop this charade, paper lovers!
as of your reading of this poem,
the game “rock, paper, scissors,”
is officially being changed to
“tiger, paper, scissors”---
maybe now you will understand that
paper can’t do anything,
when confronted
with such worthy adversaries as
rock & paper.

this game should be banned,
pure & simple.

right now, in some part of the world,
a little boy is being beat up and put in a coat closet during
recess,
because his name is “Rex”---
a little girl named Bertha is being teased
for being a likeness of all the negative
stereotypes that come with this horribly outdated name---
all in the name of you absurd lovers of
paper,
believing that it could
ever
possibly
in a million zillion years
be a deciding factor in any major decision
whatsoever.

quit these shenanigans, and come over to the winning team of
ROCK!