G Cardboard Motivation

Cardboard Motivation

To motivate staff get them sending cards
There are cards for every occasion
Cards at Christmas, birthdays each year
"Quick recovery from your operation!"

Say "Sorry you're sick" to sickly staff
"Good Luck with your exams!"
"We're sorry that you're leaving us"
One less car in the traffic jams

"It's here! - your monthly menstruation!"
"Sorry I swore at you, pet"
"Unlucky! - you failed to lose any weight"
"One hour without a cigarette!"

"We're sorry you're drinking more than before"
"Commiserations on a hum drum life"
"You deserve to have a lovely lunch today!"
"Sorry I fucked your wife"

With sympathy "for losing the perfect man"
"Have a Happy Hysterectomy!"
"Hooray! You've stayed here almost three months!"
"Thanks for working for free!"

"Congratulations, you've hit the menopause!"
"So sorry your pen's run out"
"40! And you're still on your own"
"You're no longer fat! - just stout"

"You made it to work by Nine today!"
"Thanks for the quick fumbled grope"
"Just two fags between cigarette breaks!"
"Hooray! Your hymen's broke!"

Regular contact with the long term sick
"Hope you're feeling much better!"
Pity when he writes saying "Thanks for your thoughts"
It co-incides with his termination letter

What can you say when loved ones pass away?
"Thinking of you, my old mate"
Granted three weeks compassionate leave
When's the bugger gonna pull his weight?

"Be my love, precious darling, from you know who"
St. Valentine hovers above you
True love delivered via Cupid's straight bow?
"Lie down I think I love you"

It will make staff feel so good to be caring and kind
"Hope you have a good shit!"
Sending cards to all colleagues and friends
But not to that ugly old git

So the human side of us all can appear
As we celebrate every event
We can all rally round and cuddle our friends
But not that chap, we all know he's bent

Or crippled or old, odd or just real bad news
Or your patience they constantly tax
Or a pain in the arse to sit next to or near
Coat your card finely with a little anthrax

And motivated staff the harder they will perform
Bickering and unpleasantness stops
Sadly the throughput will violently slide
They're all browsing the greetings card shops.