First day at film school
By Terrence Oblong
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"Welcome to film school. If I could ask those of you with phones to put them away, we don't allow recording of these lectures."
"Right, what's the first rule of film-making? Yes, you in the front row."
"Apparently it's stop filming."
"Yes, very funny. It looks like we've found our class wag. No, the first rule of filmmaking is 'just do it'. Don't be put off by the sheer scale of the project, just take up your phone and film something."
"You've just told us not to."
"Oh, looks like we're a two-wag class this year. I don't mean now, I mean outside of the classroom. Film anything, friends talking, film yourself in a monologue, film a duck at the duckpond. Anything can be a film if you do it right."
"Hey you, I said no filming the lecture."
"I wasn't. I was filming the duck at the window. You said we could film ducks."
"Very funny. Oh, you're right. There is a duck at the window. How strange. It appears to be trying to get in."
"I said stop filming. All of you, there's nothing to see here, it's just a duck trying to get in through a lecture theatre window. A locked window. A duck with teeth. Very big teeth. Who has opened the locked window."
"Oh my god, I'm being attacked by vampire ducks."
"I hope somebody's filming this. Vampire duck movies are totally trending right now."
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