The Chaos War: Introduction

By Undeadxbox

Fri, 06 Mar 2009
  • 626 reads
2 comments
 

Sunlight shone on the cobblestone streets, revealing the cracked streets, as well as the decaying bones that littered the streets. People began to stumble out of their houses, ready to brave another day in the cold, harsh planet known as Hadrim, part of the Arcana Universe.
The city was a constant reminder of the war that shook the Hadrim, as well as the other planets, with fierce claws, destroying everything. It was known as the Chaos War. The citizens and peoples of Arcana never thought such a war could occur, but, nevertheless, it did.
When the Chaos War began, Arcana was a beautiful universe, showing no signs of destruction. After the Chaos War, Arcana was a destroyed universe. This is the story I am going to tell, a story of epic proportions...

The Story of the Chaos War

EDIT: Changed planet to universe, for Arcana is not a planet, it is a universe.

Certificate U
Story
The Chaos War
Science fiction

Comments

Submitted by Miss-Clefayree on
An interesting introduction and a good start! My only criticism would be that you say 'street' a lot in the first paragraph, so maybe you could vary it a bit so you only use the word once. The same goes for 'Arcana'. Maybe change your sentence structure slightly so that it isn't repeated again and again. Other than that you've done a good job and I want to read the next part :) Miss Clefayree

Miss Clefayree

Submitted by Undeadxbox on
Miss Clefayree, thanks for the criticism. I should have the first chapter up soon.