Chapter one. Romance writing draft. Comment for titles after reading
By willow_36
- 474 reads
Kat stepped outside. She hated summer, the sun was unbearable, classic New Orleans temperature. She was still wearing her pajamas, a pair of small pink shorts that just barely peaked out from under the hem of an oversized tee shirt. Her skin was sticky from the sweat and the breeze blew her hair back behind her shoulders. The streets were empty, well empty except for Jessie Keats. He was in sophomore year and was in her class in school. She couldn't help but notice his eyes. They were the brightest blue she had ever seen and gave out the slightest sparkle when they hit the sunlight. He caught her staring and a smile creeped all the way up his face. "You know it's rude to stare" he laughed, she giggled "well then I better not get caught" Kat felt her face getting warm as she spoke. She looked down at her feet, knowing Jess was watching her, he had an amused expression, faded smile but still visible. He gave off a vibe. Kat didn't know what it was but it felt nice. She liked to be around him. Jessie got up from the stoop across the street and came over. He sat down next to me, barely containing his grin. He noticed her lips peaking up in just the slightest way. "Cutie" the word came to mind, he didn't speak it though. They sat there for a few minutes. Jessie knew Kat was having a hard few months. Her sister was diagnosed with breast cancer and died six months ago. They were Irish twins, exactly one year apart. Kat had never been closer to anyone in her life than she was to Emmie. Her mother and father were never around, and when they were, they were drunk. She didn't come to school for a week after Emmie. Jessie had brought her some nice pens after school one of those days. He knew she loved to draw, and was incredible at it too. That was a Wednesday in March. Jess had sneaked a kiss on the cheek on the way out, she wanted so badly to catch his lips, but she didn't. What If he was just being friendly, after all thy haven't even been on a date yet, maybe they would never be on one.... She was trailing off in thought and snapped out of it. "Hey Jess" she had a light barely audible tone in her voice "Would u wanna go somewhere sometime?" That came out horrible oh god...she was normally not Mrs smooth with guys but she was better than this. But it seemed to be a perfect proposal for a date to Jess. He grinned and hopped to his feet "Miss Kathryn Emily Singer, follow me" he took her hand and led her off, she had no idea where they were headed.
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Comments
Hi Willow. Welcome to the
Hi Willow. Welcome to the site. You have some great characterisation here and some of your description is both subtle and fantastic. If I may say so, the piece seems a bit breathless. There's lots to expand upon and describe before rushing to the end. Also, you need to sort your narrator out. You begin in third person and then switch to first. Big decision ahead for you as to which will engage your reader more and fits your story. Keep writing - lots of potential!
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