Ha! Ha! Said The Clown (Dead Reckoning series - Part 7)

Continued from Episode 6 (There's a Ghost in My House)

The story so far:  Josiah and Archibald are at Evanley Hall in Cheshire, visiting a potential client.  Archibald is somewhat put out when he is sent into the garden whilst Josiah and Mrs. DeVille renew their acquaintance.  However, his sojourn amongst the topiary is somewhat lightened when he encounters Precious, Mrs. DeVille's beautiful daughter.  However, on returning to the Hall, Archibald is startled to learn that Mrs. DeVille has no daughter but that there was a young lady of that name, who lived and died at the Hall many years ago.

 

Archibald stared at them aghast, rapidly growing panic filling all of his senses.  He could not read anything from Josiah’s expression, his face was a blank. Mrs. DeVille, just looked at him quizzically.

“You mean, I’ve been chatting to a g…g…ghost, all this time?” Archibald asked, horrified.

Josiah was the first to break, stifling a giggle he managed to say,

“Oh, Archibald, I’m so sorry.  Do forgive us, it was just our little joke!” Then dissolved into helpless laughter.  Mrs. DeVille followed him, but her laughter was just that little bit more manic,

“Hahahaha” She took a deep breath, “ahahaha” and continued in that vein for a little longer than was entirely comfortable.  Even Josiah glanced at her with some concern.

“Well, thanks a ruddy lot!” Archibald folded his arms and looked decidedly hurt, “you frightened the sh…the life out of me there.  What a lousy thing to do!”

“Oh really, Archibald, it was just an innocent jape, surely you can see the funny side?” Josiah asked, hopefully.

“No, actually, I can’t.  If anyone wants me, I’ll be out in the car” Archibald stalked out of the house.

“Oh dear!” Josiah looked distinctly uncomfortable.

“He is your employee, Josiah,” Jeanette DeVille pointed out, “you should not allow him to speak to you in that manner”

“Well, he might be my employee,” Josiah agreed, “but that does not give me carte blanche to ridicule him in any way I see fit.  Moreover, we have, recently,  been through some trying times, together, so I should have had more regard for his feelings.”

“Nevertheless, it does not do to allow the hired help to get ideas above their station” She drew closer to Josiah and placed a hand on his arm, “let me get Hames to show you to your car”

“There’s no need, Mrs. De…Jeanette” Josiah blushed, a little, “I’m perfectly capable of finding my own way back”

“Not at all.  Wouldn’t hear of it.  HAMES!!” She bellowed.

The butler slithered through a side door and looked at her, attentively.

“Be so kind as to show Mr. Oakshott back to his vehicle, if you will, Hames”

“Of course, ma’am” Hames stepped over to the rear door, opened it, and indicated for Josiah to proceed. “And the other gentleman?” Hames enquired.

“Mr. Furrball has already left the building” Jeanette said, sharply.

“It’s Thurble, not Furrball” Josiah corrected.

“Whatever!” Jeanette waved his interjection aside, “You see, Josiah, THAT is how one should deal with staff”

“I think the employment relationship between Archibald and myself is somewhat different in nature” Josiah said, picking up his hat and gloves and heading for the door.  “Will I…will I see you again?”  He asked, nervously.

“I am quite sure that you will” Jeanette smiled at him, warmly, and briefly held his hand.

With a spring in his step, Josiah marched with Hames, toward the car, where a hunched-up Archibald Thurble could be seen sitting behind the wheel.

“Thank you for waiting, Archibald.  We can leave now” Josiah said to his grim-looking employee.

Silently, Archibald guided the vehicle back down the gravel drive.  Josiah turned to look back and saw Jeanette DeVille and Precious standing at the front of the grand house, waving.  He wound down his window and waved back, a beaming smile on his face.

As they, once again, crossed the cattle grid, and entered the dark and dingy country lane, a middle-aged woman with wild hair and a tatty housecoat, jumped out in front of them, carrying a shotgun.  Archibald stood on the brakes in time to avoid her and Josiah fought to get his window back up but she spotted it and grabbed the glass with a grimy hand.

“You ain’t seen my kittens, ‘ave yer?” She spat.

“I assure you, my good lady, we have seen no animals whatsoever, on our travels” Josiah shrank back from her foul breath.

“That right, be it?” She looked at them both, suspiciously, “not even up at the ‘ouse, like?”

“Especially not up at the House” Josiah insisted, fighting to get the window up, “now, if you could step aside, we will be on our way”

“You wanna be careful of ‘er” The woman nodded back toward Evanley Hall, “’er and that brat, they ain’t quite right, if yer know what I mean?”

“I think you are perfectly correct that someone here is not, as you say, right” Josiah tried a winning smile, “and now, may we proceed?”

The woman stood aside and nodded,

“BUT YOU WATCH OUT FOR MY KITTENS, YOU ‘EAR ME?”  She yelled, as the car pulled away.

Archibald tried to drive as quickly as possible down the lane, despite the numerous potholes.

“I tell you, I’ve about had it up to here with this place, I have straight!” He muttered as they lurched and banged their way down the lane.

“You mean that lady’s unfortunate interjection?”

“I mean, everything!  Particularly you and her taking the doo-dah!” Archibald nodded back toward the Hall.

“I did apologise for our ill-considered prank, Archibald”

“Oh yeah, but she didn’t, did she?” Archibald said, sulkily, “She just p…killed herself laughing!”

“When all is said and done, Mrs. DeVille is a client and we need to be attentive to her needs”

“Client, is she?” Archibald asked, glancing at Josiah, “put any business our way then, has she?”

“Well, no, not on this occasion.” Josiah looked rather uncomfortable, “but, as you know, our business is about establishing relationships over the long term, rather than quick wins.  An association with such an established and well-respected family, will pay dividends for us, over time”

“Didn’t sound like that woman with the gun had much respect for them”

“I imagine she lives on the Estate” Josiah mused, “you would expect a little resentment, under those circumstances.  These rural communities always have their fair share of eccentrics”

“I don’t know about ‘eccentric’, she was off her nut, if you ask me!” Archibald, thankfully, heaved the car out of the rutted lane and back onto the main road. “How come you know this Mrs. DeVille, then?”

“Ah, yes” Josiah steepled his fingers and sighed, “you may recall, some time ago now, when you were enquiring if I had ever been engaged or married, that I said that there had been someone, once?”

“Yeah, I remember” Archibald nodded.

“Well, Jeanette, Mrs. DeVille, she was that someone” Josiah blushed, slightly and fiddled with his gloves.

“Oh, right” Archibald considered this latest news, “and how long ago was all this, then?”

“Some considerable time ago” Josiah sighed, “I would guess, perhaps eighteen or nineteen years, something like that”

“Right!” Archibald nodded, and then a thought struck him, “how old would you say that Precious was?”

“I don’t really know” Josiah frowned, “I would imagine she is still quite young.  I’m really not good at guessing people’s ages, particularly the younger generations”

“Not, eighteen or nineteen then?”

“I suppose she could well be, oh!”

“Just a thought!” Archibald smirked.

They drove on in silence, with Josiah looking increasingly thoughtful and Archibald grinning like the proverbial cat, delighted to have got one up on his employer.

As they pulled in to the gates of Oakshott and Underwood, they could see Mr. Strine, the oldest and longest-serving employee, hopping from one foot to the other, at the main door.  Josiah exited the car to let Archibald garage it properly and headed toward Mr. Strine.

“Is all well, Mr. Strine?” He asked, hopefully.

“All under control, Mr. Oakshott, don’t you go worrying yourself about that” Mr. Strine managed a faint smile, “only, there’s someone here to see you.  I’ve put them in your office, I hope that’s all right?” He asked, nervously.

“That is absolutely fine, Mr. Strine.  Thank you so much for deputising in my absence”

“Always happy to help, Mr. Oakshott, you know that” Mr. Strine continued to hop from one foot to the other, “only, I couldn’t deputise for this, if you take my meaning”

“I’m not entirely sure that I do, Mr. Strine, but, no matter, I will deal with it, whatever it is”

“Right you are, Mr. Oakshott” Mr. Strine opened the main door for his employer and then scampered away.

Shaking his head, as he reflected on this last conversation, Josiah opened his office door with a sense of relief to be back on familiar ground.  He was, therefore, surprised to see a woman, standing, with her back to him, by his desk, silhouetted by the light from the stained-glass window.  She turned at the sound of the door opening and smiled.

“Hello, Josiah!” She said, softly.

“Samantha?” Josiah gasped.

For the background to all this, you really need to read 'Bring Out Your Dead' (link is external) available now in both Kindle and paperback versions.

Now read Episode 8