saving the world

Saving the economy.

With George Osborne taking the piste at Cloisters, or some other rich man’s playgroup I decided to tackle the budget deficit. I must admit I wasn’t keen on £80k a year student fees, but I was made to see sense and toe the party line. I left a memo on his desk suggesting that we backdate it. Those that have had a university education should be sent a bill. Most GPs make a million a year so it would only take them a year or two to pay for the education that they have already had: gratis. Dentists and veterinary graduates have also had their snouts in the public purse. They too can afford to contribute. Of course not all university-educated people could afford to pay the market rate. I therefore propose a sliding scale with those that have had a education from a polytechnic paying the equivalent of a comprehensive secondary education, pegged at £10k a year. Private schools that have been subsidised by the public purse could weigh in with £25K a year, which works out a minimal saving of £350K per pupil. If a tax demand for this too was made the minimum wage could be raised 1p. Primary school education could be subsidised by local businesses and the charges for this product kept down. It could prove counter –productive to charge more than the minimal or children will refuse to go to school and the government will need to incarcerate them at younger and younger ages. Perhaps Cloisters is a role model for this development and George Osborne is ahead of his time.

The Carbon footprint and saving the world for cute creatures.

After a furious round of debates in which insert insisted that two old car batteries should be exchanged for one dolphin it was felt that one Kola bear should be redeemable for a gas guzzling Ford Peugeot and one Kola bear was worth half a dolphin. It remains to be seen in a bull and bear carbon market whether such ratios can be pegged. There has been a lot of speculation on blue-fin Tuna from the Tokyo Market.