Have you had your heart-broken? Is it still lingering post the 40 mark?

Chapter Three – Have you ever had your heart broken? If so, how did you push through the brokenness, or are you still not in the ‘all clear’?

These are the story-answers of some non-fictional respondents...

Respondent 1:

Donna, 44, Christian, who has 100% support from her family and has been single most of her life.

Yes, I had a hysterectomy at 36, and got a bit emotional at a church camp when I saw all the kids with their families.

Respondent 2:

Alyss, 44, Christian, who is not dependent on any family and has been single for the majority of her life.

I guess the answer is yes, but I am not sure either of the two ever knew about it. At one point there was a gent who was off limits as he was taken and somehow something happened inside me that made me lose the plot where he was concerned. When I saw him for the last time, I said good-bye really well, and then, when I got home, I sobbed and cried in a way I have never done before. I then had a few years of consecutive night dreams where his life unfolded in them. It was like I was living two realities between the day and the night, even though I never saw him again. Is that love? Or is that psychotic? I know that the pain in my chest was out of this world. The second guy I met a few years later and I have never felt so comfortable to be myself around someone as I was around him. He ended up making some stupid decisions at work and had to leave the province. The last time I walked away from him I stopped breathing. I had to hold on to something and force myself to breathe… it was almost an out of body experience getting myself not to faint… it was a long time before a deep sadness even came close to lifting. I don’t know if either classify as love, but I am pretty sure that the pain in my chest may fit into the cliché of what a broken heart is… I have had many regrets, and turned down potential opportunities with a few guys, but those two, they are never far from my subconscious.

Respondent 2b:

CJ Schiemann, 44, Single most of her life, with a Spiritual belief system and she depends on her family at a level 2 for their support.

I have been hurt and my ego bruised by exes, but not ‘broken’.

As I did not have much love and affection growing up, I struggled to truly open up to any of my boyfriends and always remained a bit detached emotionally. As such, I don’t believe that I have ever been in love with a partner, but rather ‘in love with the idea of love’ as I am a hopeless romantic – even though intimacy scares me.

I have not allowed anyone to get close enough to truly break my heart.

Respondent 3:

Alexa, 45, Christian, who believes she has 50% support of her family and dates sporadically.

Yes.  It took time and reflection and therapy.  And a lot of prayer and getting to a point of forgiveness so I could let go of the hurt and move on.

Respondent 4:

KA, 45, who was almost divorced when she became a widow. She is Christian and rates her family support at 60%.

Yes I have – when my husband had his affair. I allowed myself to grieve the death of our marriage and our love, and practiced being kind to myself. I have the most wonderfully supportive family, and of course my Faith – without God, I would not have survived any of my Life Journeys.

Respondent 4b:

NH, is 45, and has been single most of her life, with a Christian. The level of support from her family she rates as a 3.

No, I have never had my heart broken.  Perhaps I should be grateful for this?  I have always held my affections very tightly, for fear of the hurt, I think. 

Respondent 5:

Lizanne, 45, Christian, divorced and rates her family support at around 50%.

Heart broken through the loss of the future and love that I was hoping for in my marriage, which turned out to be abusive instead. I had amazing family support, went to counselling for a year, joined church and was kind to myself. After 6 years, I am not in the clear yet – I am still healing from the abuse.

Respondent 6:

C.B. is over 60 and twice divorced, completely self-dependent.

Yes, heart break is part of growing up.My way to push through was always through sport. To take part in endurance events thus my focus was on my physical self and not my mental self.