Part 7 - What triggers sadness? How do you overcome it?

Donna

No, none that I can think of.

Alyss

Hallmark Romance movies, Romance novels – from Jane Austen to Nora Roberts, Facebook where the highlight reels are friends and their children and loved ones. I used to happily go to restaurants on my own, but I can’t manage that anymore. Sadly, I was given a restaurant voucher as a gift, but I have no-one who visits me, or who I could use it with, and I don’t want to sit there on my own anymore… so that made my heart sad… Still, it’s my choices that have brought me to this solo space. It’s also sad when I create a play that has rave reviews and there is no-one to share that with, no-one who will be around very long to witness my story.

I tell myself to keep going, just keep going. Sometimes, I hear God saying ‘trust Me’, and I tell Him that it’s super hard to do that, and then it feels like He is hugging me to say it’s ok and I will be ok. I have learnt to tell myself to be happy for others and their joys, and I also tell myself that a highlight reel and a crafted script / novel are just people’s ideals, that it isn’t reality and I could be worse off. Many people are living a far harder life than mine, so I need to be grateful and wish others well. If I don’t, then I am going to end up bitter and resentful and that would be an even sadder state to be in than alone. I don’t think any relationships are easy, so their good times should be enjoyed.

CJ

I do get lonely around the holidays and my birthday. On extremely stressful days I do wish I had someone special in my life to talk to and give me a hug when I need it.

Alexa

Days like when my friend at 42 had her second baby. I was really happy for her because I knew they had been struggling to have a second child, but it really hit me and I felt that it was so unfair that I was single and didn’t have children. I pray and ask God why and then I get on with life.

KA

I am not triggered by the loss of my marriage or even his suicide shortly thereafter – that was a very long time ago and I allowed myself to grieve both occasions properly. The recent loss of my boyfriend is a lot more fresh in my heart and in my mind so I do at times find myself ‘triggered’, sometimes by seemingly ordinary every day moments. But, again, I fully embraced the grieving process and allowed myself to feel and to heal. Naturally, I miss him terribly and at times feel sadness and sorrow, but when those feelings come, I acknowledge them, accept them, embrace them and feel them to their fullest. I honour his memory and don’t try to block anything out. I remember the good times, and feel blessed for the time we had together.

NH

I think the pressures of life provide the triggers.  Like being disadvantaged financially because I live on a single income; affording my own home is something I am still working towards.  That would bring additional stresses though – I’d have to do all the DIY myself!

Lizanne

It’s really tough being solely responsible for all the decisions relating to my 3 children. I wish I had someone to bounce thoughts, ideas and decisions off.

It’s really tough having to be strong all the time for my kids. I don’t want to be strong, I just want to lean on someone else’s strength at times.

It’s tough seeing my older children with their boyfriend/girlfriend, as I wish this for myself too and yes, this definitely triggers my loneliness to another level.

I have overcome this many times by just falling down on my knees in tears, where I am even unable to pray, so I just spend time in my brokenness with Jesus.

C.B.

I can’t say I get sad because of my “solo” state. More I get sad when folk complain about their lots in life instead of addressing their issues and accepting that what you can’t change you need to deal with. My sadness comes from others pain and suffering.