ninanile's blog

I came back to be back, but I'm not ready to go back. I understood what you understand, but I'm not ready to go back. I conquered fear with fear of fear,but I'm not ready to go back. I want me to be me,without having to go back.....

I am watching her, I am being watched.I follow her everywhere she goes ,I am next to her everywhere she goes. I know when it's me, I know when it's her.I am conspicuous in the daytime, I see her sparingly in the dark. I am always me, I am occasionally her. I am her shadow, I am my shadow....The shadow of myself.....

In a surbaban homeland, there are four personas.The suppotive husband,the fortunate wife,the obedient daughter and the assiduous son. In a surbaban homeland ,there are four characters.The egocentric husband,the good wife,the plaintive daughter and the candid son.In a surbaban homeland, there are four people, the opportunist,the subordinate,the pretender,the truth.In a surbaban homeland, there is a recipe ...for the perfect script!

How many times have you been told NO just to go back umpteens times to work and perfect that YES! Umpteen times?Anyway, as much as the "never give up speech" is all inspiring and crucial, if we're being honest with ourselves ,it's a further dissappointment to hear! Am I right? I'll speak for myself then,it is. It reminds me of the long long longggg journey ahead of me. I know it. I understand it. I just don't want to hear you say it...,maybe...

I can't stop running,I won't stop running, I have to keep running. What would happen if I stopped? I'd have to stop to find out and I can't do that. No no sir,there is no mystery here, I am an open book. I don't know who I am, I wasn't who I was and I lost sight of who I am supposed to be. That's everything you know about me and everything I know about me.I am an open book, you see sir,there is no mystery here. I'd have to stop to find out and I...

Pain became a central part of my life to the extent it became unrecognisable.Subconsciously I built a defense mechanism that was on auto pilot 24/7. It made it easier for me to disconnect with what I had unknowningly chosen to forget.Empathy,Sympathy,Pain! I felt this was a rational perrogative to adopt for ME! One less person to add to the thousands that broke me. No sooner I realised, I was being selfish because in feeling this way I became...

Love is complex,it doesn't have to be. I sat one evening in my study and I thought, but why do we make it that way?Why can't we all accept our skeletons and work through it instead of walking way. Walking away is dramatic,walking away makes the problem bigger than it actually is.There is good and bad in some of us,if not all of us.It's better to acknowledge it than try to ignore it, but it's better to never let the grey dictate the way.The way...