May be I mistook you by Span

Another brilliant span poem with really clever, vivid images, saying a lot with a few well chosen words. It's also well worth checking out Departure Detail http://www.abctales.com/story/span/departure-detail

I like maybe I mistook you, but it's not my favourite recent Span. The ending feels a bit lazy, to me. I can't really see "and slips past." It sounds like the end to a poem, which is never a good way to end a poem, I always think. I much prefer 'rubbish'. http://www.abctales.com/node/547540 I'd cut the first stanza but otherwise, this is a stormer. And, since we're on the topic of ending poems, this ending is unexpected and strange and wonderful. A Span detail of the highest order. Love it. Joe

Thank you Yutka! I was pleased with the bird image. And thank you Mcmanaman! I like it cos it is not a speed poem and not my normal style. And thank you Spack, I feel a bit funny about Rubbish. For many reasons, partly cos of the circumstances under which it was written and partly cos I have not paid it any proper attention yet. I like the ending though. The things you do when your mind is elsewhere. I did try cutting the first stanza but it read badly. Cheers Joe, hannah x

A fine poem-vivid imagery. I have no problem with the ending.

Thank you for the feedback Gilbert. I like it too and I cannot think of another line to end it on. It feels lazy cos it is not very thought about. Maybe that makes for bad poetry. I dont know but it stays. Thank you! Hannah