she loves him more in death than life

*but I suspect its not trendy enough for this site and in any case the spelling and grammer is too good* Aha, is that *it's* as in 'it is' perhaps?

"and in any case the spelling and grammer is too good." Eh? Have you missed out a 'not' there or something? I think this has some strong images in it, and a measured tone. For the subject matter, it's not too mawkish. I really liked the wildflowers, and the Dutch fireside dolls. But I also think it could do with some tweaking. I don't think we need to know that Dutch fireside dolls 'guard the fire' as it's implied in their name. "She even misses the slap of her hand/As he tried to pinch her bottom..." This seems wrong as well to me - you can't miss the slap of your own hand, unless you're some sort of sado-masochist. Perhaps something more along the lines of, "She misses the impulse to slap his hand"? "I suspect its not trendy enough for this site..." Hmm. When people accuse things of being 'not trendy enough', it seems to be a way of saying 'too dull' whilst simultaneously lamenting the very idea that things (in this case, poems,) can be exciting instead. Surely this poem deserves better treatment?

Good Lord. It's *grammar*, you chump. I agree with Jon re: the fireside dolls - liked the image, but felt the 'by the fire' part was redundant. With some tightening, this could rock.

Thanks for all the comments. This poem was based on my mother's reaction to my father's death. They argued all thier life, but couldn't live without each other. I'll be editing this in the light of the comments. (all advice is more than welcome).

I've edited this, but it's not showing the new version. Dutch Dolls are a Dutch boy & girl. They stand on opposite sides of the fireplace, it's an old custom, showing the man & woman with fireside chairs facing each other. Normally made of iron or brass, they were popular in the 1950's, much like those awful ducks over the fireplace.

New version now added. Thanks again.

Whoops, an error.

http://www.abctales.com/node/549769 Lisa when you change the title, the link won't work anymore! I liked this before, I like it more now. I was also a little confused with the slap. Works much better now. Lisa

Thanks Lisa, it certainly has raised some comments. I changed the title as, for some reason, the new version wasn't showing. The other LX

Cheers Trendy Tim, I had to leave the cross-dressing out, didn't want to give people ideas. lol Lisa.

Excellent, Lisa - Liked this one lots. I think you've tweaked it to perfection. I suspect there are those who'll love me more in death than life...

Excellent, Lisa - Liked this one lots. I think you've tweaked it to perfection. I suspect there are those who'll love me more in death than life...

Thanks everyone, it wouldn't have worked without your input.