What about the dinosaurs by joel

I also felt it's a bit sad Josiedog, a feeling I put down to the inability of parents to solve every problem that their children face. I liked this piece alot, and bookmarked it to come back to later. My only crit is that I wasn't too keen on the title, but that's only a tiny moan and doesn't detract from the story in the least. A really good read Joel thanks.

I wasn't sure what comment to make either. I just felt deeply moved by the story and quite enchanted by the dialogue.

Lfuller

This story is wonderful, touching. The dialogue between the father and son is really well written – the voice of a child can be a hard thing to nail down, but you’ve definitely done it. Thanks for a great story. Foster.

Just like to second these emotions! Tina

Short sweet and funny, I would change the first line (maybe just remove it) but nothing else. I really liked it.

This is great, Joel. Can I have some rocket shoes for my birthday? lib

Cheers guys. Do you think the connection between the rocket-shoes and the ending is solid enough? That was my main concern when I read it over. Good point re the first line, maddan. I'll have a look at that when I get round to editing.

I think this is rather wonderful, Joel. Although, now you mention it, I felt like I didn't really fully understand the connection between the rocket shoes and the ending. Could you bring it out a little more? Or do some sneaky foregrounding that'll help that ending resonate like some sort of ming dynasty gong? The dialogue is totally, undeniably, perfect. Great stuff. Joe

Right. Morning! Feeling a bit more awake now and able to tell you what I actually liked about this story rather than "This is great, Joel". Although I think I'll be reiterating what many have said, the dialogue is ace. I also think you've stopped it from getting remotely over-sweet and I'm not sure how you did that. Very clever. I think I like the little details most, the teaspoon into the washing up water, the open window and the inevitable getting up at five to close the curtain. I don't think that when I first read it, I had any problem with the rocket shoes and the ending. They remind the narrator of a time when he felt a great gap between him and his parents, and a time when he had had that terrible feeling that everyone *gets* something that you don't. Somewhere in the middle, the narrator says "Some things are so important, you don't even talk about them." and reading it back, that's the line I think is most important. Telling Danny about the rocket shoes would be the way to reassure him but he doesn't know where to begin. I am a lot less articulate than I felt when I started posting this. Anyway, that's how I read the ending. Lib

Great read. Like most of the others I felt the dialogue between Dad and son is perfect. It gave me the impression of a single Dad trying to cope with a very difficult situation. I presume the boy is bedwetting and I assumed this might be related to the missing mother, maybe completely wrong but like good art, a story isn't always about what the writer wants it to be but also about what the reader feels it to be. The story with the story of the 'rocket shoes' (perhaps a good title?) illustrates the tension and frustration felt between parent and child really well. I have a really pedantic point, in such a good story it jarred when I came across what I think is an error - 'not your fault, it really isn't. This things just happen. ' should this read - 'not your fault, it really isn't. These things happen.' ? I have to say again that this was a wonderful story to read and I feel I have learned from it. well done NW

Hey Joel, you scallywag. I don't like the onomatopeic 'crinkling'. I feel there are better words that could be sought out. I'm also a bit iffy about the rocket boot stuff. It feels a bit too much like something thought up by hotshot advertising executives trying to sell yoghurt to kids. Rocket-boots! Kids are well into that sort of thing. Yeah! Wicked! Gimme five! I *do* like the submarine fish-men dinosaur stuff, and I think the length and pace is very precisely judged, the father's feelings terribly real. Nice one.

Hey Joel I thought the whole story flowed really well, and that the relationship between the rocket boots and the ending was perfectly balanced, to have done any more would have allowed exposition to creep in and disrupted the flow. I'd have liked more dinosaurs, but that is true of any story.

I liked 'crinkling'. So there.

Me too.

I've changed 'this things just happen' to 'these things just happen'. Well spotted, NW. I suppose I wanted to make it so that the reader felt the connection between the rocket-shoes and the ending, but only in a fairly low, intuitive sense (bonus marks for anyone who can tell me where I have lifted that phrase from). As for the 'crinkle', I welcome suggestions. I always agonise for far too long over onomatopoeia.

Crackle? Scrunch? Actually, as someone in the 'Mary Poppins' industry, I can reveal that plastic bed sheets kind of creak when you sit on them.