Musicality bt littleditty

5 posts / 0 new
Last post
Musicality bt littleditty

http://www.abctales.com/story/littleditty/musicality

A fine, concise, enigmatic poem.
Really enjoyed the ending-
" Raw stringed feelings sound
through the morning of busy streets
though all, is crisply quiet."

That should be "by" littleditty.
Foster
Anonymous's picture
A very enjoyable poem, LD, and I didn't so much mind the her's and she's. As I read, I felt the piece building up, much like one warming up before a concert - very nice.
Neither did I. I love the title and I like the simple images - legs curled round a wooden cello is so uncomplicated but very sensual. 'Natures hum expands' is a beautiful line too. I would maybe consider changing either 'stretches' or 'outstretched' which sounds a little awkward. Maybe also break up some of the lines even more eg 'the bow quivering / in her outstretched arm./ Now relaxed, she turns the sheet.' and 'meeting every vibration,/ every echo. / She warms, with 440 Hz.'
Thank you Gilbert, Foster, Venson and Jem - Some people are bothered by that present simple repetition she - i wanted it to be very simple present description, matter of fact for her actions - she does cross herself and this is a prayer of sorts (i didn't explain myself very well there - but it is good to know that it was ok for some!) Jem - there are repeated words throughout, there was a littleviolin also in this poem (the phone, some more laboured doubling, now cut) - and so you have got me thinking about 'stretch' - i don't like that bit now you mention it - i'll look again - and at the line breaks. Very grateful for feedback like this -thank you all.

 

Topic locked