Where Angels Sing

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Where Angels Sing

http://www.abctales.com/story/lisa-hinsley/where-angels-sing

I liked this one even better than your SOW (congrats, by the way). So much emotion in here, almost as if you're writing from experience - which obviously can't be true. The descriptions are just right, not overly done, and in a story where it would have been easy to over-do them.

At one point, it seemed like you switched perspectives, referring to the husband as "you" and then later as "he" - (i wish i knew the correct literary words for this...), but it still read really well, flowed with ease.

foster.

Wow Lisa! Thank you. Excellent writing, imbued with astonishingly 'truthful' in-the-moment feeling. Thank goodness you've decided to come back to writing. I promise I will try every day to read more of your pieces... I love this board - so many amazingly talented people on here! Check out my website: http://www.francesmacaulayforde.com
Thanks Foster and Frances, glad you both liked it and thanks for all the complements! Frances - not so much talent, as hard work and constantly writing. If you do read some of my older stuff, you'll see a big difference. Foster - I hadn't noticed the change from *you* to *he*. Do you think it makes a difference? I'm not sure. Prehaps it marked the point of no return and in my head he got pigeon holed into a seperate spot? Not sure about that one, but well spotted. Lisa
Another brilliant piece Lisa, kept me hooked and holding my breath till the end. nobody
This is a very vivid piece, your descriptions transporting me into the scene. Once again you manage to build tension and pace. The phone call nearly made me cry - very realistic dialogue. I could imagine myself saying sorry too. My only crit was the ending, for me it wasn't as powerful as i hoped - maybe i wanted her to end up in the crystal city. It reminded me a little of the film Ghost and therefore lacked the originality that the rest of the piece had in bucket loads. But this is just personal opinion and others found the ending satisfying - but i just wanted to offer my perspective as i know you appreciate feedback. Juliet

Juliet

Crikey, lisa, what a harrowing read. It raised my blood pressure. Hope that's not what waits for us all! Very well done.
Crikey? Crikey??? Are you Dick Van Dyke in disguise?

Liana

Yeh, yeh, oi even 'ave a fake Cockney accent, innit.
Juliet, I struggled with the similarities to Ghost, in my defence my black blobs don't tackle her to the ground and carry her kicking and screaming. My black blobs sneak up on her with insidious slowness and allow her a last glipse of life. So there is an intelligence? working there prehaps. Oh I don't know, the story wanted that, so that's what it got. There simple. :) Archergirl, who knows what waits for us. Listen to enough accounts, and make up your own ending. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Lisa i really do like this story - and i can see how your end is different i wasn't for a moment suggesting that you took directly from ghost - it is just that it reminded me of that film and if it reminded me it might remind other readers - hence why i mentioned it. But i know what you mean by the story taking you there - sometimes the end just writes itself. Juliet

Juliet

Couldn't agree more! With me it's always like that. Got a piece I'm trying to write at the moment and I do wish the end WOULD hurry up and write itself - can't wait to find out what happens!

 

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