Serious Trouble By Josiedog

I enjoyed this as well, felt it really captured the moment and was realistic to boot! nobody

This is very effective, I think mainly because it does not show the actual violence, only the dreadful helplessness of the victim. I did enjoy it, because there's a sadistic part of me, I would have enjoyed it a hell of a lot more if I was certain it was fiction, but it reads a lot like the truth, which made me uncomfortable. I was not so sure about the analogy to school bullying. I can see what it's doing, helping to describe the situation, but I think it detracts from the horror a bit and might not be necessary. I loved the "held up his glass and smiled in return." It's creepy, a world you will never understand,

Yup, I liked this. I wasn't sure about the overhearing of "kneecaps" - it felt a bit of a heavyhanded moment in an otherwise, well handled story. Cheers, Joe

This gripped me throughout. The sparse style worked and more detail would have been detraction - I really enjoyed the read. It did surprise me that people were murmuring if the pub motto was “mind your own.” Also, those one-liners would have been even more effective if spaced. Foster.

I found this a well paced and written little tale. I agree with those before me that the murmers in the pub might not have happened, but it didn't really distract for me.

This is fiction, although I do take inspiration from experiences and obsevations so there is a kernel of real life there, but changed, expanded upon and twisted out of all recognition. I'd written the scene and it was just hanging around - it felt like the beginning of a longer story but I hadn't planned to write one so i hurriedly cobbled together an ending and I guess it shows. Hence the above comments I suppose, those last lines are a bit clunky and out of context. I don't think I'll edit it though. I'll just maybe use it (without the ending) for another longer story (with skullduggery) at a later date. And I will sort out that schoolbully reference - I was just trying to link the two characters together, give some reason for the narrator's insight and empathy without making him part of that world. Thanks for all the comments. Much appreciated.

I liked the observation: All my hours and years of working, of getting where I was, were ephemeral things in here.

i loved the everydayness of the pub in contrast with the violence you knew was to come. The contrast between that world and the world of middle England also deepened the sense of a community with its own rules and laws - and the narrators discomfort at fitting neither. My only bug bear, brown leather man irritated me, could he not have a name? Juliet