Henry
Thu, 2006-10-05 00:48
#1
Anonymous
Henry
http://www.abctales.com/node/556851
Some excellent 200 worders have been posted, and this one's my favorite so far. Henry is painted so clearly, that I'm able to fill in all that isn't said, just based on what is. The last paragraph I especially like.
My only suggestion would be to omit the words "out loud after "laughs, as laughter is usually understood to be audible ' so there's two words you can use somewhere else!
lib
Thank you very much Foster. And thanks for the suggestion, I can't believe I didn't notice that last night when I was trying to lose the last few words! I shall go and tinker with it now...
lib
Actually, on looking at it again (and correcting 'apparently' and removing an apostrophe), the way Henry laughs when she's reading is more than a chuckle, which is techinically audible but not the great "HA!" I was attempting to write. So thank you very much for the suggestion Foster, but I think I will leave it as it is...
littlethistle
I enjoyed reading this 200-liner. I think that the characters of two strikingly different people (are vividly shown in condensed language. Although the narrator observes Henry I still get a clear picture of the narrator as well.
All the best
Ljiljana
Foster
With or without, I think its a great little piece. It was only a suggestion, and you considered it, and then made the decision to keep - nothing wrong with that.
span
This is awesome.
Span