Witness by Josie Dog

7 posts / 0 new

Topic locked

Tue, 2006-11-21 15:53

http://www.abctales.com/story/josiedog/witness
Wow! Is it too early to talk about the next story of the week?
Josie's given us a low, filthy, smelly cracker, here, which fires all the senses at once.
It particularly uses smell to conjure up the atmosphere - and boy, it stinks! This is an antidote to Treasure Island, Westward Ho and all those Boy's Own stories which romanticise sea-going adventures.
Good stuff, Josie.

Tue, 2006-11-21 15:55

ggggareth

Why do my links never go linky? http://www.abctales.com/story/josiedog/witness

Wed, 2006-11-22 10:00

timnig64

Yes I quite agree! She's evoked the senses well and given a nice snapshot of the characters. She definately knows how to create an atmosphere and draw the reader into the story. She also leaves you wanting to know what happens next, which is, to me, always the sign of a tale well told! Well done Josie!!

Wed, 2006-11-22 10:26

ggggareth

One line I'm not sure on though: when Daniel kicks Ellis' shin: "It broke the skin like it was tissue." Technically, skin IS tissue, so this doesn't make much sense.

Wed, 2006-11-22 11:53

timnig64

I think it depends on the reader. I assumed that the metaphor was referring to tissue paper as opposed to skin tissue, which would make it a bit nonsensical. I must admit, I don't always look at my metaphors that closely but I can see how it could be confusing!

Wed, 2006-11-22 12:34

ggggareth

I assumed that it meant tissue paper too, but then I got to wondering if that would be anachronistic - when was tissue paper invented? And then I thought - when is this story actually set? That was when I decided to mention it and see what everyone else thought.

Wed, 2006-11-22 16:19

josiedog

Cheers, peeps, for the positive feedback. It is a bit of a stinker. I guess it's set in the mid C19th, not long after the creation of the Met (peelers). When I slung in "tissue" I too thought it was probably an anachronism, and meant to go back once I'd finished and use another term. Once I'd thought of one. But, I didn't. It is the first scene of a much longer story (maybe a novel!) and I was worried that it wouldn't stand up too well on its own. Thanks again for the flagging and comments. josiedog.

Topic locked