JulietOC/peasinapod

Craig, thanks for the comments. it has been largely rewritten and is still in need of a fair bit of editing so your comments about 'he' and 'she' are very useful, and yes i can see that dialogue needs sorting- cheers. As for the Counsellor scenes that frame the beginning and the end, i have added them based on some previous advice from a writing friend to give the questions context. I would appreciate others opinions on whether the two scenes add or detract from the story. And thanks again for taking time to comment. Juliet

I really liked this. I never saw the previous version so after making assumptions about who the guy was all through the story, the twist at the end was really effective (note I'm trying not to give anything away here for those who haven't read it yet!) I think the counsellor scenes should work well, particularly the end one as by then you can imagine why the poor woman might be needing counselling, but there's some subtle link not quite right between the first questions and the main story. Perhaps it needs to be a bit more obvious that it is a counsellor that asked the question at the start? Not sure. There were also the odd grammar typos I spotted (e.g. Temazapen stare back & she picks it up), funny how these creep in when you're not looking.... Hope this is useful Bev

thanks bev, i'll sort the typo and have a look at the beginning to make it clearer, glad it kept you guessing. Juliet