Art

Apologies, but I'm pretty hypo, so I only read the first page. But I'm in no doubt (judging by the first page and the accompanying artwork - which is excellent, btw) that you return to the scene and you find him? Apologies again if I'm wrong. The page itself is clean (which is nice) but I wouldn't give it away during the first three paragraphs. That's all I can say. I'm not much of a writer myself, but love reading stuff ;) When the power of love overcomes the love of power, we'll find peace. - Jimi Hendrix

Ah so you are saying that the picture (which a mate of mine did) gives away too much. I suppose that is true. I could reveal bits of the picture on the different pages of the stroy. The story is only partly about the guy, there is other stuff. Possibly.

I think the text is clean and easy to read, and I really like the picture. I'm not sure that it does give too much away...you're still wondering how, why, and what happens next. The story reads really well, btw. I still want to know why he didn't go to the funeral, though :) M

M, I am afraid that I can't answer that question. I would love to, but the answer may make the narrator 'Me' too much. I have been to too many funerals and not enough weddings. I have tried several 'new' edits to the story. But I can't quite get it 'better' in my mind. There are some things I can take out, which may not be necesary, but I think it removes some of the 'life' from the narrator. I wrote something in the same worlds, about 10 years later. I will post it as soon as I can convince myself its not rubbish. Only one person besides me has read it so far. thanks for your comments on the page. It took me ages to get something simple enough that does not take ages to put together (the next time). Cheers Phil.

I think it would work better if you took away the black border around the scroll box - in fact, if you did away with the scrollbox altogether, and instead have the 'next' link when you got to the bottom of the picture. It makes the writing feel packed in. 'Page 2', rather than 'next', seems the wording to have for the link - less like you're standing in a queue. I also think you should opt for a nicer font than Times New Roman. Verdana works well on the screen.

Hi, Thanks for the comments. I have updated that page and I think its a bit better. I am still not quite happy with it. the link again: http://www.p-3-d.co.uk/writing/wob.html

Damn 'ie'. Gosh webdesign is frustrating. In Firefox this page behaves. In IE it has idiosyncracies. Woops.