The Utterly Silly Thread

GREAT!!! Sorry i havent been around - been opening my new coffee shop " Ta Chucks" But im back now, let the fun begin!

hilda!!!!! long time no see ..... what's on the menu at "ta chucks" then????

I'm far too seriously talented to be seen on this thread. Goodbye! er, before I go... Cousin Hilda, are you related to Auntie Jackie? And would you serve me a round of toast with egg sonnet if I came for breakfast at 'Ta Chucks'? (I'm also rather partial to 'Ode in the Hole') Right that's enough frivolity! (Looks along forum list for one of Carly's threads...)

i suggest the next ABC tales performance night is held at "Ta Chucks" .... i presume we will get a discount cousin hilda?

No room! No room!

tony ... are you really cousin hilda? and if not are you merely her representative here on earth? if you are neither of these things how is it that you have insider information on the newly opened Yorkshire Stylie Teashop *Ta Chucks* ... and its capacity ...

I just loaded a plastic 'chunky' coathanger with 5 shirts and it broke as I was about to insert it into my miniscule wardrobe. The left hand side snapped. Why would this be? Why is the right side stronger? Was it the chip on my shoulder that caused the overload? Why did it wait to fail until I had nearly completed my task ie at the worst possible moment? Is there a European Standard (no not a flag) for coathangers? Was it several angstroms too small? A design fault perhaps? Can I claim recompense and take it back to whence I stole it? Did Sods Law have anything to do with it? Should I wash the shirts again after their visit to the netherworld of my bedroom floor? Please help..... I really am at my wits end.

hang on stormy ... help is at hand ...

I think it was clearly a case of divine retribution for breaking the 'do not steal' commandment. You're probably going to go to hell, as well.

see stormy ... what did i tell you?????

You have 5 shirts????? You utterly spoilt man. 2 are ample for any man - and make those one of those a silk collarless one for your woman to steal-um, borrow. I dunno.... *tsk*

if you knew 'my woman' you would know that they are all hair shirts *puts on oven gloves for imminent meeting with Dante*

EEEE!!!! i'm reet chuffed at all this attendance at me 'umble caff!! And Tony too.....I 'ave to say though, that theres no end o' room out back fer a function, if yer looking for a new venue for the tailers next bash? and! Ta Chucks is pleased to announce, that after some difficulties, i've managed to get everyones favourite dish, Withered lemon lipped old trout back on t' menu! Comes with cliched potatoes and witless peas?! Any tekkers?

The First Lady and President Bartlett have just had their first Oval Office row, a burglar alarm is ringing incessantly nearby (no sign of burglars - I looked out of the window) and I have discovered a bald patch on my previously hirsute lower shin. Thank you for allowing me to share.

I was repasting at Ta Chucks the other day, en route to yet another tiresome book-signing (why doesn't my Publisher simply print a facsimile of my signature in every copy?) I was deciding whether to order the Villanelle flavour ice cream or a Sibilant Sorbet, when I overheard this remarkable conversation between two of the regulars, Uncle Jack and Our Monica: Our Monica: Why is Auntie Jackie clodding about like a bulldog chewing a wasp, Uncle Jack? Uncle Jack: I s'pose it's because she's got piles, Our Monica. OM: Poor thing, Uncle Jack! UJ: Poor thing, my arts! She's got piles - of cherries, Our Monica. OM: Why would that get her Supp Hose in a twist, Uncle Jack? UJ: Because she sees ower folk wi' even more cherries and it gives 'er a reet 'eadache, Our Monica. OM: 'Eadache, Uncle Jack? J: When she falls out of t' pram, Our Monica. Are all 'Northern folk' obsessed with cherries these days? Why aren't they down there digging for coal with their fingernails? What happened to all that grinding poverty that made them so colourful and gave them such delightful speech impediments? I plumped for the Alexandrines in Sestina sauce and proceeded to read 'Lunch Poems' by Frank O'Hara, my being an avid Frank O' phile.

the alarm has stopped. the police did not arrive sorry - rephrase that - the policeman (singular) - my town only has a population of 45,000 and we are only allowed one of them. the rest are looking after Biggsy, the dangerous criminal in a chair.