Conversation Stoppers

Anything I say is a conversation stopper. Well my jokes kill anything that lives.

Seems like dear old Stormy doesn't approve of Martin's newsagents or the Child Providing Agency! He also appears to think the forums are crap, which is a shame. Still he may feel differently after his holiday.

Gloria Hunniforded...? I think I understand that one....I started a strand about sexual fantasies which seemed to be taken off.... means pissed over, I think. The other Martin does seem to live in a little Martinworld all by himself......bless.

***correction*****gloria is a wonderful women but does not figure in any of my fantasies....this was anothers........honest....

Here are some that were emailed to me. They are definitely something to think about. ;o) Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

ARRRRGGH brain about to explode!! :-) Have just noticed however that I do not shut my mouth when putting mascara on - maybe it is because it needs intense concentration!! Sarah.

Just found another one - why are there five syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'?

Why is dyslexia so hard to spell? Did Noah take two ducks on the ark? What was the best thing before sliced bread? If you don't know how to spell a word, how come you can look it up in the dictionary? Is this a rhetorical question? Is it possible to imagine a world with no hypothetical questions? Is my sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others? Do men tell too many lies just because women ask too many questions? When a man says something 'can't be done' how come he's always interrupting a woman who's already doing it? Why are beige, cream, torp and magnolia all one colour to a man? How does the bloke who drives the snow plough get to work in the morning? How do the get TEFLON to stick to the pan? What has an elephant got that's so damn important to remember? We've all received packages that say 'open here' but has anyone ever received a package that says 'open somewhere else'? How did a fool and his money get together in the first place? If a Smurf chokes on his dinner, what colour does he turn? What's another word for 'thesaurus'?

Why do men need something to pee against? Why is it a problem for men to leave the seat up, but OK for women to leave the seat down? Why are my conversations stoppres all toilet related?

Probably because they are all crap! I've always found F*** Off! stops most conversations dead in there tracks, not very eloquent I admit but there are no other words in the English language that convey one's meaning so succinctly.

thanks for the intelligent response, we need people like you.

i thought george's contribution was the most entertaining and apt in this thread

It's so lovely to be considered intelligent and needed sweetie! But unlike yourself I'm not preoccupied with toilets, at least not since I got caught. Still if you'd like to meet at the nearest public lavatory I could do with something to pee against as you put it.

If any of these conversation stoppers were good wouldn't this conversation have stopped? and since when didn't walking away stop a conversation? or violently beating your chest and jumping around like a monkey? Or singing rugby songs at the top of your voice straight at the person talking to you.............or were we talking about intelligent conversation stoppers?

nah......what i mean is..... well......how can we be......what am i talking about......it doesn't matter........does it?

i think the most effective conversation stoppers are people who mew and whine that their precious little writing group is being infiltrated by people who don't correspond with the group profile, that is, being vulnerable to criticism, or even a challenging discourse style, having no ambitions but to glean tiny gobbets of approval from other like-minded madges who have been to every creative writing circle in norfolk, or people who actually express themselves with some kind of veracity, not hiding behind the net curtains of conformity. thank you. i love you all

simplistic tosh

Hey, Don't bring my bruvver into dis jus' 'cos 'e's a bit fick!

aahhhhh .... how i've missed you martin the manager. where have you been? i used to enjoy our baiting sessions (you were the master) but then you went. a holiday? anywhere of interest to this one man support group? if you actually bothered to read these forums (particularly some of the older posts) you would realise that your criticism is quite without foundation. I actually got rebuked for for taking you and what you said lightheartedly yet, those that responded to you in a serious and challenging discourse style were gloria hunniforded by yourself (you won't understand that remark but some may). I suspect you and CPA will get along famously and I happily leave these crap forums (as they have become reduced) to you and he/she/cherry/otherwitlessfools. It was not a support group. It used to be fun. *exits into the moonlight*