THIS IS THE BIG ONE...

We are detective Doctor doctor, can't you see I'm burning burning. You lift me up (so high) you lift me up to the higher ground (containing the killer lines - "I know what it means / to work hard on machines " ) I just love crap 80s pop. Stephen Tin-Tin Duffy once executed the most strained chorus of all time - kiss me with your Mow-oww-th your love is sweeter than wine.

Oooh Andrew, that took me right back to "pink shirt with black roses, pernod and black in hand, pier disco bar skegness" Thanks a lot :o)

the embarrassment gets worse: Liana's reminder of the bad haircuts; Andrews waxing (always did worry about that man) lyrical. something nudged one of the few brain cells I have left, and I went in search of the box of old records still not unpacked from our house move of 6 years ago. yes indeed, three horrible haircuts on the dusty cover. Immaculate played only once vinyl. Brittannia musics record of the month (we always got them due to inabilty to return no thanks slip in time) sometime in 1984: "into the gap" by The Thompson Twins! the shame. nearby lies "songs from a big chair" by tears for fears. isn't memory a wonderful thing? isn't memory a wonderful thing? larph

Never liked Tears for Fears - they always seemed too earnest and took themselves far too seriously (though on Sowing the Seeds of Love, the long-haired singer looked like my hippy uncle Jeff, who in manner resembled Dylan the rabbit...) There was a great thread on Giant Robot a while back - the three worst records of all time. Naturally I went for earnest pretentious stuff and the worst genre ever - the power ballad. So, 1. Bohemian Rhapsody. 2. The Power of Love - Jennifer Rush 3. Hello - Lionel Ritchie. Reminded me of rushing in from footy on a Thursday to see who was number one and getting mortally aggrieved that it was STILL some bloody awful power ballad. I think the reason I'm so fond of the 80s is (Goonies reference) "this is our time" - and adults immediately got guilty about their greedy ways and disavowed the entire decade as soon as 1990 turned up. Reclaim the 80s - we were no greedier, just more honest about it. I wanted to be Gordon Gekko ! "Caring sharing nineties" - I didn't see any evidence of it.

Not as bad as when Joe Dolce kept the fabulous "Vienna" off the top spot in '81 - or was it '82. I almost slaughtered my 11 year old sister for buying that (and playing it - over and over and over again)

I shared an office for three years with a woman who idolised Midge Ure. If you ever wanted to provoke a huge row, you would just hum "whadsamatteryou ? Hey, gotta no respect" Didn't he appear on top of the pops in a bathtub full of spaghetti ? Also, gave all parents an alternative to - "If you're bored, I'll find you something to do" or "Life's not fair" for a few weeks. Any time a child looked grumpy - whaddsamatter you ? See also Bobby McFerrin for further pop/parental guidance ideas. That man claimed to have a unique talent to sing two things at once, whereas in fact, he just sang while tapping his chest to give a wah-wah pedal effect. (In fact, for about a year, my dad alternated between Bobby McFerrin and Bill Cosby in his parental stance. No wonder I'm slightly maladjusted. Luckily, he didn't also sign up to Mr T...)

I finally realised that my first husband simply had to go, when l turned on the radio one day at his insistance, and shortly after heard "Don't Worry Be Happy" dedicated to me from him....... He still doesnt see what was wrong, to this day....poor man.

Liana I can play the complete Depeche Mode on my wazoo. Will you marry me? Just for credability of course. Ralph

i once tried to woo [mmm, nice word] a girl by asking john peel to play something by the smiths, which he did. still puzzled as to why it didn't work...

errr ... ralph? ... for the purposes of the disco dancing competition ... do both contestants have to be alive?

Fish They have to be in their prime. Fully egoed and slightly juiced. The song they are dancing to of courese is 'Sex Machine' by the brother, James Brown. Get on the good foot dudes and bring it on, nothing else matters at this time of night. Ralph

oh ... in that case get on up ... salman in some kind of silvery blue flared cat suit?

With a headband that lights up. 'Feel the Funk' Ralph

i can feel this taking off... how about marlowe versus shakespeare to rick james' hit "superfreak"? or, fr leavis against wh auden to edwin starr's classic motown hit "war"? i can't see agatha christie setting the funk on fire even in her prime, so salman wins by default? :O)

Auden wins by a mile. dodgy politics and oversized combats. He would look great doing a backflip. The beat goes on. Ralph

Was it Girlfriend in a Coma ???

Douglas Coupland wrote a book called 'Girlfriend In A Coma'. I saw him read in LA a couple of weeks back, pants.

What a Charming Man you are Ralph Poor Douglas....Heaven knows he's miserable now..

Liana I have a thorn in my side about the Smiths. They helped me get through my exsams though. Ralph

there's more to life than books you know Ralph. But not much more. Now getting very off-topic. But it is about time we had a music thread. (And Ralph - Girlfriend in a Coma is a tombstone in book form, marking the point at which Coupland stopped being worth reading)

Obviously in the original challenge, Christie is going to win every time. Rushdie will stay for the chorus, but he won't dance to verses, for some reason. Skewing the question slightly - who would write a better novel - the Thompson Twins or Limp Bizkit ? (And what might the novels be about ?)

Well, I know who LB are (sprog informs me every day) - but 'oo the hell are the DT's...sorry, TT's?

Good idea Andrew....music thread. Any Ideas?

Um...FGTH? Warmongering Bush's speech tonight reminded me of it...

defectives

Ah, thank you. Crystal clear, now...

If Limp Biscuit wrote a novel would they have to shout it at public readings, those pesky boys are so loud, and so excitable!

the thompson twins (detectives) followed me everwhere in those bloody stories andrea. a couple of songsters by the same name had some minor hits in the 80's. "shout shout let it all out" is the only hook I can remember. sounds like a builder anthem

Tin Tin It was not The Thompson Twins who sang that song. It was Tears for Fears. Tin Tin was a singer of course. He turned into Strphen Duffy and was in the fine band The Lilac Time, who were very good indeed. Ralph Now, Martin Amis vs Will Self in a table tennis match.

ta ralphie it's age me catching up what did the thompson twins do then coz I'm buggered if i can remember will self by 2 submissions and a pinfall

Ralph Wasn't he in Duran Duran originally too? Thompson Twins did that awful "Hold Me Now" Bad haircuts too......

Liana Yeah they kicked him out because of an abundance of talent. T Twins started out as a highly politacal socialist combo but changed overnight after their first sniff of cocaine. Hornby vs Parsons at conkers anyone? Ralph

hornby has a little wizened conker but he has painted it with a high gloss varnish and hung it on a piece of swanky string ... thus everyone believes Emporer's New Clothes Style ... that it is an Unbeatable Conker ... i cannot speak for parsons ... knowing nothing about his conker ...