Sneak

Glad $n£@k (to give him his official name) got the attention he deserves. (Even if he does think I'm evil...) I first came across him on a little known poetry group, and poached him to join mine. Karl, you're right, he is indeed both clever and funny.

Good stuff. Sounds a bit like a British version of Charles Bukowski.

Well, let's not mince words, eh? Sneak is a certifiable lunatic, with some absolutely dreadful fixations on Kylie Minogue, Brittany Spears, the Spice Girls, etc etc etc. He also has an applaling lack of fashion sense. His monumental rants in the Tortured Poets group are the stuff of literary legend, even if they are the product of a terminally sick mind. Apart from that he's extraordinarily clever, amusing, witty etc etc. and I am emerald with envy.

Hilarious babe! Love you sneak!

Ahem... Kylies' Arse http://www.abctales.com/abcplex/viewStory.cgi?s=6855 Does he mean "Kylie's Arse"? I'm a slut to it's every whim. Does he mean "I'm a slut to its every whim"? Learn to use the apostrophe before you peddle your filth! Facile, unsubtle and downright crude.

..and funny, and clever.

*hears the crunch of dreams underfoot*

Here's what I think: http://www.abctales.com/abcplex/viewStory.cgi?s=9751 ;-)

Come of it Eric. A tad unecessary?

Before I am lambasted for not having a sense of humour etc. consider that what I have posted may be tongue-in-cheek. However, there is a serious point that I'd like to make. I _am_ sick of the apparent craze for bleak and negative fiction, and I'm particularly thinking of Scottish novels and short stories. If one is talented enough to write then I believe it is virtually one's duty to use that intelligence to attempt to offer some kind of answer to some of the world's problems. We all know the world is f#$&ed up, heaven's sake!

Ah, Liana, you got in there before me! ;-)

And you should consider that the person you aimed at may not see it as tongue in cheek, maybe?

If he's as hard as his writing implies it'll be grist to his mill. Besides, how I have pointed out that it ought not to be taken too seriously.

Now I have pointed out...

Of course, I meant OFF it, not OF it. My fingers tremble at the thought of Erics beady eye'd (is that apos' in the right place? Eek..) and I make mistakes..... You make me feel like my 2nd form maths tutor Eric. I get all sweaty and nervous around you.... :o)

...and l see it's catching. You're even making YOURSELF tremble Eric....

Yes! Just trying to two-finger type too fast. (Hmmm, I wonder if there's another meaning to two-finger typing?) Sneak has some good stuff, and I hope he isn't too upset by my little outburst. I expect him to retaliate in verse, of course!

In fact, tremble in anticipation!

Hmmm. I read the poem before the thread, and I don't think it came across as tongue-in-cheek enough. If you'd written it about me Eric, I wouldn't have been happy. Fiction covers a broad spectrum - I can enjoy bleak and gritty, and I can enjoy whimsy and fantastical. I don't think its for me or anyone else to say what someone should write - and its entirely up to me what I read. And once again - I would advise people who are unsure of the apostrophe to check out Eric's article, or the one on the online magazine. Eric is a bit of a demon on it - but look at it this way, if a builder came round to quote to build you a garage and confused the word 'brick' with 'cement' would you give him the job? Likewise, if you as a writer don't command the tools of your trade, how can you be trusted to assemble them ? I think 90% of people can't use apostrophes properly, including writers, so taking care over it may move your work into a pile to be looked at again, rather than immediate discard. (I'm talking about editors who are paying for work rather than me - it bugs me, but I judge a piece on its other merits, not grammar)

As my dear old tutor used to say (oh gawd, here she goes again, I hear you collectively groan)...if you can't be bothered to submit work that's as grammatically correct as you can possibly make it, why should you expect them to be bothered to read it? Also, don't forget that commas, apos etc used incorrectly, can totally alter meaning... *waits fearfully for some bright spark to point out errors in above posting*

"I don't think its for me or anyone else to say what someone should write - and its entirely up to me what I read." ....for Christ's sake, Andrew! that's two apostrophes you've missed out in a piece about correct use of the apostrophe.

Perhaps Andrew was trying to do what I was myself attempting: irony/illustrating the point he was making? Regarding my "sneak attack", my words were not ill-considered venom. Hey, if someone writes about sadism, murdering women, masturbation etc. etc. I think it might just be reasonable to assume that he's got a thick skin and can take a bit of ribbing? No? There's no way that I would take this "nasty" line with someone trying to say something constructive and positive, and whom I sensed might be unable to defend himself. Sneak has umpteen cherries and has been picked as writer of the week. I think his ego can stand it, and I look forward to the revenge he will ultimately take (I hope) in verse! I regard myself as a knight challenging a worthy opponent to a duel.

Furthermore I'm a tad disappointed that it is necessary for me to be so explicit. I had hoped that you guys and gals would know where I was coming from by now? Sigh! ;-)

Eric You are getting your kilt stuck right up your arse. Go out and have a walk, maybe a cup of tea and let the world punctuate you with a little bit of humour. Shoo! Ralph

Dear Ralph Ta also for the insulting personal email! I think, conventionally, "blimey" takes an "e", as I have spelt it. I'll let you off just this once if you promise not to do it again, naughty boy. ;-) Are you sneak's lover, perchance? A co-misogynist? (And don't take this seriously too, for heaven's sake!)

Eric The word 'Blimy' is in fact Icelandic and it means idiot. Enough said. Ralph

I have an Icelandic acquaintance. Next time I see her I'll ask. God blind me (gorblimey) if I have to consume humble pie again! Spot the mistakes in my Glasgow piece: "tassled" shoulbe be "tasselled" "here here" should be "here" Oh how are the not-very-mighty (myself) fallen! Warm wishes and ta for the latest email! Eric

Blimey, and I always spell blimy blimey... Blimey! Just looked it up in the dic and it is, indeed, blimey.

Blimey! This thread is full of people battering each other verbally isn't it. Just thought i'd mention the fact that all my writing is full of grammatical errors. I am terrible at using apostrophes and i always write so quickly that i mis type everything all the time. I hope that people will read the work before they start picking at errors. I mean i don't try to write something perfectly i just try to get thoughts and stories across in an enjoyable way. Does everyone take so much time over their writing? If they do then i am clearly not writing for the right reasons after all. Wait that isn't what i was trying to say. I was trying tosay that everyone at ABC tales writes for their own reasons and have their own goals. Mine is to put across thoughts and ideas. I never aim to write in perfect english i hope that i don't have really poor language skills. I also hope that people don't read my work and say, "This is crap, look at all the mistakes!" Oh well each to his or her own.

Meremortal, you say, "I mean i don't try to write something perfectly i just try to get thoughts and stories across in an enjoyable way." To me that's almost a contradiction in terms. Allowing for the fact that good writing is subjective, surely getting thoughts and stories across in the _most_ enjoyable way _means_ trying to write perfectly? Are we not all trying to improve our writing all the time? I suppose one has to ask just what one's target audience is, but if one wants to appeal to a large audience then attention to spelling etc. must be part of it? A piece riddled with mistakes is, in my view, disrespectful to the reader. (A few errors will always slip through and one makes allowances for this, and there is, of course, more latitude in a discussion forum for typing errors and the like.)

Agree with Eric - again (sigh). Thing is, if you send stuff to a 'normal' ed (sorry ABC!) and it's riddled with errors, it just gets binned. And what price all your hard work then? It pays, literally, to do (several) thorough checks before submitting. Honest.

Eric and Andrea are right about typos and grammar. But I have to say that people nitpicking about errors on the forums are not really being fair. I type fast when I post on the forum - I don't print out and go through with a red pen, the way I would if I was sending off my fiction to a publisher. And let's not forget that some people who use this site come in and type their stories in to a computer that is available for a short period, in libraries or paid-for by the hour. So in those circumstances, typos and grammatical slips are excusable. (I typed my earlier response as my period of free BT surf-time was timing out) But again, being Eric's plugger - grammar in stories is exactly like ironing a shirt before a job interview - it isn't much fun to do, but if you want to make the best impression, it is necessary. Eric's guidance is clear and easy to follow. But please, no more sniping about the grammar or spelling in forums. It's a natural consequence of typing fast. And it is very, very dull to read.

Oh, fair comment, Andrew - point taken...

Dear All Pompous Pie anyone? Ralph

Mark Dont you start. Ralph

Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion. I didn't mean that I don't check my spelling and my mistakes, of course I do. I was trying to say that I don't think it's fair to criticize people's efforts because they have not written their work perfectly. Anyway I agree, obviously work you want to be excepted by editors (for some kind of financial return) will have to be perfect. Every detail must be checked and people will try a lot harder to make it grammatically correct. While I'm submitting work to this site it is normally in it's unfinished state, or something I never plan to submit to anywhere else. My checking isn't going to be as thorough, if people find it insulting to read my grammatically incorrect work then they will stop reading it. Although I'm pretty sure it's legible!

I now know who sneak is, but who the hell is Kylie M? And irony aside, it is a little difficult even at the end of this rather colorful threat to know what to make of Kylie's kilt stuck right up his arse?!

Who's the villain issuing the colourful threat??? Let me at 'im... As for Kylie's arse, Jozef, you really don't wanna know. Do you?

Hmm... I was really wondering about these "Richie David," "David Richie," "Beachwood," and "Max_Dog" coincidences. And now, to top it off, someone whose last name is "Imrich" appears. PLUS he advertises his own work on the threads! Tell me something, Jozef, are you Richie David too? And if you are, can I be Richie for a day?

By the looks of it, Franz Imrich has been writing on here for a very long time. (Sorry I'm new!) Therefore, you don't appear to be a creation of Richie's. So, did you create him?

Nope, Jozef's a bone fide person in his own right, like. *she said knowingly*

I am a bone fide person.There was no meat where I come from just abthinse (sic) (grin)

I am a bone fide person.There was no meat where I come from just abthinse (sic) (grin)

I am a bone fide person.There was no meat where I come from just abthinse (sic) (grin)

...and he is unanimous in that...