Can you write a novel in a month?

Excuse me, stormy but why bring in all these other guys? I'm a novel all of my own, wouldn't you agree? Haven't you read Catcher in the Rye? Who the hell do you think JDS based Holden Caulfield on? Disclaimer. When reading, please bear in mind the old adage 'Self praise is no recommendation.' PS. If and when referring to me in the future, stormy, would you mind not using my surname. It seems so kind of cold and unfriendly. You didn't go to one of those public schools where they just use your surname, did you? As in - Lewis, come hither and shine my shoes. No, not like that, boy. Use your tongue or I'll have you flogged.

Now look here Mr Stormy and you Mr Roy, quantity doesn't matter, I've had bodices on the floor and heaving breasts in the face in 1000 words and I've written more books than anyone and sold most of 'em too! Take my advice and scrap all this damned literary innuendo and get their bloody tits out quick! It never fails to sell!!!

Hah hah! I signed up for it! I'm in a short story void anyway~~

You certainly ain't no lady, Carthorse, that's for sure. Such language! Anyway, I thought you were supposed to be deceased.

Stop hiding Andrea!

sorry Lewis. won't do it again, I promise.

...and the dead dialogue...

Plea from beleaguered editor. If you do write a 200 page novel in a month, please don't post all of it up as one story...

Hiding? Moi? Whatever made you think it was me? The very thought.... Anyway, who are you?

You know very well who I am. I'm related to that gorgeous woman with the awful taste in men. You know the one that married the twerp who's always got his hand in his pocket (playing with himself no doubt!) and talks to plants. Well I suppose most of them behave like cabbages and he can't tell the difference poor chap. Then she went off on a shagathon and it caused her death eventually. I've got to go, I feel another six books coming on and I need the cash to buy more make-up and pink clothes. Bye. PS You're such a droll little chappie Roy, I think I might have a place for you in my next book. It's called ' Stately Homes' or maybe 'Royal Piles - A suppository depository'

Easy sweetheart, in a good month I can write one a DAY!

I see that Andrea and Skidders have read my stuff!

no

i wouldnt write a novel in a year never mind a month

Oh, avidly, Barbie... Wouldn't go to bed without it.

Never heard it referred to as 'gastrics' before!

Dear Carthorse, Amazing! And you languishing under the sod, too... *highly impressed*

You're very voluble for someone who's pegged it, Babs, I must say. Plants respond when I talk to them. Funny, that. Can we, then, look forward to your next blockbuster...'The Grave Windsors'?

Roy, those are my thoughts exactly. just to check I had a flick through the novels I've read this year. The smallest is of approx 120,000 words and that seemed fairly slim! I think 50,000 is about the length of a thirty chapter bodice ripper at 1600+ words a chapter. Contemporary fiction seems to have about 7500 words upward per chapter. Has the competition set a title? if not, how can they prevent everyone dusting off those dog eared novelettes and submitting them? ~suddenly realsise that if he made the effort to visit the site the last question would be irrelevant~

I've just had another thought: if jozef imrich, funky seagull and john lewis all appeared in the same thread we would have our novel in no time at all. A quick cut n paste like psuedo_carpe - bless- does with his live ted and edith at ta chucks pieces and we could be in business. With the funky combination of like, man, that was cool and hard eastern bloc realism we would have a novel the judges would never understand. Chuck in a touch of martin, a nugget of ralph and a coating of karl and the judges would award it first prize on the premise that judges assume a book must be good if they don't get it. we might need the gibbons as cover with a slice of robert in the flyleaf just to give it that important cutting edge.

The next block I bust is going to be Phil the Greeks!

But all I've done is shag Sharon...and Kathy...and Lisa...and...