henry by fergal

Fergal always manages to bring her characters alive and her construction is meticulous as ever. Minor and probably insignificant observation:- Henry and Clare are the main characters in "Time Traveller's Wife" and I can't help associating these names with Lit-Lite - I know this is a Henry and Helen but it has a Clare in it as well!

I've never read it! How strange. Clare, in this, was supposed to be called Ruth. I might change it. Can't change Henry though, as he has to be Henry. Thanks for comments, both. I wrote this in a hour this afternoon. I had this clear thought about writing about someone allows herself to fall in love with someone, despite him not being any of the desirable things she might image she wants... a genuine connection, something real. I would probably, ideally, make this much longer, and make the build up to her falling in love with him longer. And have more of the flashbacks to before she's gone to Clare's (Ruth's).

this is wonderfully observed, l liked the way that Helen saw herself as 'normal' when comparing herself to Henry and yet he was the more 'normal' for admitting his differences and difficulties, where as, she with all her intellect hid her own growing fear of going out and lack of self esteem. I think your right that the falling in love could be built up further, it is a little too subtle and it would be interesting to see how she reconciles her feelings for Henry on a private level with the public reaction that she is so fearful of. But it doesn't feel incomplete as it is, and i really enjoyed reading this. the yellow wool brick road and pin prick blood shoes is very original and vivd. Juliet

Oh, and thanks to Foster who emailed me som ideas for changes. I've put an initial redraft up now... I will probably rework this a lot if I decide to do something with it... often the stories I put on here are equivalents of speed poems. I like the immediacy of it. How do you spell immediacy?

Just like you've just done. This was lovely, fergal. I understood the falling in love just the way it is; it *could* be built up further, but it doesn't have to be. Falling in love is sometimes just as sudden, as unpredictable. BTW, there's a hanging 'E' at the end of one paragraph; is that a musical reference? :-)

The way that Helen falls in love is so beautifully (and accurately) crafted I thought. I agree with the last post - the suddenness of Helen's fall is adrenaline filled and joyful - realistic in my view... The descriptions of Henry too are captivating.

Strong stuff! Perfect pacing - spare dialogue. Vivid characters. In addition, Fergal avoids overwriting. It'd be very easy to fall into the trap of waxing lyrical about the music, and Henry's scruffy look, but I think the descriptions are admirably restrained. Though it does read more like a mad crush than falling in love.

A wonderful piece of writing, original & atmospheric, enjoyed this immensely. You paint pictures with your words in a way that carries your story forward gracefully, leaving this reader with a jaw dropping WOW !!! Looking forward to reading more from you.

Thanks everyone. Glad you liked it. I suppose it is, rather than her falling in love, her realising with sudden clarity that it is possible to fall in love, particularly with someone she would usually distance herself with because of whatever mental health problems he might have, or whatever social skills he is lacking. But she has not been able to admit hers, at least not to strangers... and by agreeing to visit Ruth she has opened some kind of doorway. Or something. I think it is a powerful thing, to realise that love, or the potential for love, or a mad crush, or whatever it may be, can happen at any time, for so many different reasons. I read an article in a magazine yesterday on '10 tips to successful dating' and laughed so much. It basically said you had to dress accordingly, talk accordingly, blah blah, and it presumed that the man you had gone out on a date with is successful and owns his own house/car blah blah... and I thought, 'How boring it would be if that was the only way to fall in love. Like a business deal. All guarded and hiding from what you really think and feel.' This has nothing to do with my story, or how to improve it, but is something that made me want to write this story. And have a long think.

Those articles are gonna be aimed at people who have no faith in their natural character, offering them instead a persona to adopt. Why does the man have money and a house? Because that's the only kind of man the persona would want to go on a date with. Anything that treats people with such contempt is quite nauseating, but think how much worse it would be if the writer had nailed our insecurities so well that it actually sounded like good advice.

Hayley, I think this is great. I'm inclined to urge you not to change the way in which she falls for Henry, I think it's right as it is, subtle and deft. If I were to imagine Helen as a real person (as one cannot help but do with such marvellous description) I would think of her as someone who has been prevented from freeing herself from herself not as a result of fear and insecurity necessarily, but as a result of habit. I just had the feeling the 'door' you refered to in your earlier post wasn't a massive one to open, just one she'd forgotten was there. That's just my interpretation. I adore the dialogue in this. Henry's 'tick' works wonderfully; how can you melt into the background in a situation you don't feel comfortable in when you are constantly being addressed by name? A couple of minor things: - Do a find on this: 'No, the were still there' and add the 'y' in. - I think you're missing a ' after the final word of the piece. And lastly: ‘Maybe my problem is perfectionism… I like to write but I will only be ready to publish a book when my writing is as good as Fyodor Dostoevskyy.' Reading that phrase on the page makes me think it's an incedibly flawed perspective, albeit one which I held quite dear until ten minutes ago (although substitute for Nabokov). I used to think there was integrity in that view, now I'm beginning to doubt it. Thanks for f*cking with my philosophy.

'I would think of her as someone who has been prevented from freeing herself from herself not as a result of fear and insecurity necessarily, but as a result of habit.' Yes. Exactly that. Glad that's what you saw in it, as that was what I was thinking. Because the door is such a small one, it sort of makes her realisation quite profound, to her any way. Just such a small shift making such a difference. Thanks for the two changes... hadn't spotted them myself and now they're fixed. As for the whole 'Maybe my problem is perfectionism… I like to write but I will only be ready to publish a book when my writing is as good as Fyodor Dostoevskyy.' thing, well - I don't think it's flawed at all. Helen certainly doesn't in this story. When Henry says it, it only makes her like him more. This is because - just imagine if he ever did reach his own level of perfection...Wouldn't that just be SPECTACULAR?

Oh and Jon - 'but think how much worse it would be if the writer had nailed our insecurities so well that it actually sounded like good'... don't you think magazines in general do manage that to quite a level..? I see the amount of women who exercise, eat (or don't), dress and fake tan themselves into perfection for no other reason than to make someone fall in love with them and it horrifies me... and sometimes, if I'm not in as good as mood as I am now, I almost - and I really reiterate the word almost, as I like myself just as I am - believe it myself... Scary.

I think it is flawed because it is his OWN level of perfection and there is no guarantee that would be spectacular. On the other hand it might be unreasonably high and so great work would never be seen or read.

But what have we got, mykle, if not our own levels of perfection? I was thinking of Henry as someone who, with hindsight, could be seen as a Van Gogh kind of character, but at his own time is just seen as someone outside of the norm, someone quite difficult to be around. The difference between success and being an odd ball is only a thread away I think. Once someone is a 'success' all those stories about their odd behaviour just vindicate or explicate their genius. Before the success it is seen as maladjusted.

I agree with you, Fergal. I said the idea was flawed not wrong. however, I think you are just going from one extreme to the other... over compensating. It's quite likely his work would be competent, even good, but highly unlikely it would be great!

Maybe... I dunno. I reckon Helen believes Henry when he says he wants his work to be as good as Dostoevskyy... She probably is over-compensating (I can't possilbly comment on myself - I'm not Helen, Helen is a character in a story)... but she is struck by finding brilliance in an unexpected place. Who says he won't be as good as Dostoevskyy? None of us has read Henry's work.

Henry is a character that wants to please. I think that if he was aware enough to be a great writer he would be aware enough to notice his own character flaws -and that they made people uneasy - and he would adjust or compensate accordingly.

i agree with Fergal that genius and madness are closely linked, i think what is more interesting is the fact the for Helen, if Henry was as great as Dostoevsky, then she would see his 'oddity' as part of his genius and therefore this behaviour would be therefore more acceptable, whereas if he was just like the rest of us then he remains odd and she would still be embarrassed about showing him off to her friends down the pub. i also think that Mykle's point about him just being good not great is the more than likely outcome, in that we are fed think, 'Rainman', 'little man Tate', that people who are different/ autistic are all geniuses when in fact it is very rare. When i first read it i didn't think of Henry being a genius but rather a person who is more comfortable in his skin than Helen, yet Helen is mainstream and normal. Juliet

Nah. Disagree - but hey no matter. I don't think Henry wants to please. I don't think he would adjust accordingly.. I don't think he cares about what people think at all. I think he wants to create great Art, for whatever reasons. I don't think he's got character flaws as such... I like him the way he is. It would be awful to think of him changing to fit in. It would make me sad. Of course, Henry is a character in a story and not a real person so I need to stop talking about him as though he actually exists.

(I was disagreeing with Mykle not Juliet...) 'When i first read it i didn't think of Henry being a genius but rather a person who is more comfortable in his skin than Helen, yet Helen is mainstream and normal' Yep... that's what I was thinking - that's why I wouldn't have Henry adjusting his behaviour. He's worked out he doesn't need to. I wasn't saying he was a genius either - I was just saying he *could* be.

You could be right, Bridget :O)

He's your character - he can be whatever you like.