Boy Poet by littleditty

.

SSS -thank you for flagging -glad you liked some imagery, thanks very much. OK Folks: this poem has bugged me - i have gone back to it and have had edits and suggestions, tried to listen, change some things - but have found this one hard to feel finished with - went back to it the other day - it is still bugging me - any kind of CRIT/opinion etc is always fine with me - thank you!

I love how this starts and the beautiful description of how he writes - but then i found it more difficult to folllow and from 'your cocoon of silk' onwards to me it lost its way a little - the tenement bit i found more like prose than poetry, and i found the question mark really interrrupted it. I am sure others can critique more elegantly but hope this helps as a start. Juliet

Thanks Juliet - question marks are gone and i fiddled a bit -will look again later as a whole piece and see what i think. Cheers for the motivation. Nicky x

I’m glad to see you working on this because this poem is definitely worth the effort. The opening lines are really tight, and I like the feeling I get. When you move into his description, “classically beautiful” seems too easy – surely he’s worth something more. I really liked “woman in black by the side of a grave,’ what a strong image. I wonder why she lacks confidence? Why wouldn’t he come straight to her? The ending: was it a mutual thing or did one undo the other? And if they were dead, who’s writing the poem? Perhaps this is an oft-used poetical twist – I was just wondering (and perhaps it's just over my head...). This poem will stay with me a while – I really enjoyed it and I think it’s a powerful piece. Foster.

HI Foster - is the phrase 'classically beautiful' a duff, weak description for a young poet of handsomeness and intellect? she appreciated his handsomeness/beauty/intellect but just there needs a phrase that does not indicate sexual desire for him - otherwise why the ending? interesting you think she lacked confidence as i didn't realise the voice indicated that..- the idea: she didn't see him falling and didnt want him when he came straight for her- end - twas just a little metaphorical death, of two very young poets who all of a sudden wanted/expected different things from each other. There is a love there in the poem - references at the end are to the demise of Romeo and Juliet for starters - 'doe eyed to her fawn' suggests a fakeness on her part - did she lead him on? Did she genuinely not see him falling? Just not fancy him? Or your suggestion - she fawned/feigned not being interested in a romantic/sexual relationship and did a runner because lack of confidence? because, he was *swoons*, classically or otherwise beau ti fully gorgeous *sighs* - c'est la...poetess wrote with hindsight...shame really ;O) Thanks for your reaction to this one - i'll think about it -so ta very much. Nicky x

Nicky, It seems you've helped me more than I've helped you. I really have no right to be commenting on poetry in public, but I guess poets realize some people won't/can't understand their poems - but that didn't keep me from liking this one.

ur poetry has evolved alot little ditty, and i loved this piece, sometimes a little hard to follow, but the imagery and the story behind it keep it interesting. good read.

Foster - you and Juliet have helped me here and before -you both recognised the 2nd half was the muddle with this one. It was written last August and i have come back to it - you made me think and i hope soon to feel more finished with it. It has been important for me to make things easy to follow, enough to be engaging - and questions from you and others have helped so much with this one. i've been thinking about that phrase! Thank you again and it would be a shame for us poets if you stopped questioning/responding to poetry in public - but hey -you've got my email! mikepyro - hello - the evolving, for me, tends to go on at that other site - it's been a year and a bit, have we met before? The 'little hard to follow' is what i have worried about as these narrative type ones should not alienate i think. Glad then it kept your interest -thanks for telling me. Nicky x