Favouritism

They fuck you up - your kids.

people shy away from speaking about favourites i don't know why - it seems evil but i think it is entirely normal i had a friend once who used to torture me by saying "if all your kids were drowning and you could save only one" i hated it but i knew which one i would save and it isn't even the nicest one

That's a nasty question posed by people who hate kids. You'd try to save all of them. I have a child - ha! who's 30 who has disowned me and it hurts. He is so like me - we had a reconciliation recently and he plays drums, loves all the funky stuff, even met Bernard Purdie one of my idols. (Played with Aretha and did a lot of the Atlantic stuff way back when) But I said the wrong thing, and that was it, he was off again, blocked my emails and wrote me a strange email basically saying he wanted no more to do with me. Does his mother pull his strings? You betcha. (He still lives with her, and she's never taken up with anyone else, which I find strange) As an aside, and I love 'em, I'm listening to Little Eva singing Turkey Trot at the moment and has there ever been a better lyric written than 'Gobble diddley gobble gobble diddley'? I think not. Anyway in brief, my ex-wife is an Israeli and right wing. If your not with us you're against us, it's called seige mentality. I happened to say to my son that as the Palestinians have been in the area for a long time that maybe they had a right to some land. Their own homeland; and yes I know the Arabs are always saying that they are going to push the Jews into the sea etc. it aint gonna happen. Israel is too strong now with its nuclear capability and with the support of the U.S., Britain and a lot of the powerful western world, we would not allow it. But. OH. MY. GOD. It was if I'd pulled my todger out in polite company. He stomped off and that was it. But: I am the first person he ever smiled at. I think that's important. Will he come back to me? You tell me.

My daughter stormed out of our lives a few years ago and into an alternative life of abuse, unwanted pregnancy and deep unhappiness. Eventually she's back and I must admit she's my favourite as we're really close and can talk about ANYTHING now. But I shouldn't show it of course- like in the prodigal son story in the Bible, the boys who've lived exemplary lives would be entitled to be seriously pissed off.

Ah, I think most parents must (at least secretly) have a favourite. I have mine; ironically, it's not my firstborn, although I desperately wanted him, and he had a very difficult entry into the world, very touch and go for awhile, and soon after he was born I was hit by the blackest depression of my life. He's a really good kid, very thoughtful and loving, but highly annoying sometimes. No, it's my second-born; I absolutely HATED being pregnant with her, I had gestational diabetes and was (still) severely depressed and couldn't wait to get her out of my belly. Because of the depression, I had a hard time bonding with her, never made enough milk to nurse her, and hated being a mother in general for a good two years after she was born. Be that as it may, she is my little shining light; so funny, so full of joie de vivre, such a drama queen! In retrospect, I tried very hard to be a good mother to my firstborn because I was at such risk of being a very shitty mother, indeed, and I knew it, so my feelings for him are tainted by guilt that I didn't sort out my depression in time. I feel like I missed most of his babyhood, all of his toddlerhood, and the first part of his childhood. It's just gone. I can't get it back. My second has gotten more of a chance for me to enjoy her blossoming; I feel in some ways like I can still redeem myself with her. So my love for her is 'clearer', but besides that, she's just plain old funny. She cracks me up. Sheesh. If I could do it all over again, yada yada....

I reckon I should add that I would rather die than admit this to either of my children, and try mightily to ensure that the attention they receive, the love and cuddles they get, prezzies, etc., are strictly equal. But surely, they must both know, somewhere in their hearts. Kids ain't dumb. Parents sometimes are...