"NIght Killer. by Miawritertoo

13 posts / 0 new

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Sat, 2006-01-14 21:42

http://www.abctales.com/node/548083

I like this for the deeply disturbing balance in your writing, even if I knew what was coming, it didnt take away the sense of horror to come.

Nicely done :)

Sat, 2006-01-14 23:35

Too disturbing for me, although very well written. I feel a bit pummeled. Why would the policeman grin at finding a severed head? Maybe he's inured to finding severed heads in boxes? You clearly have a great style and poetic sense. Is there any chance of something a bit lighter, Mia? After reading this story, I could definitely go for a more soothing and innocent story....

Sun, 2006-01-15 00:22

Okay -- I've got to reconsider my last comment. I've read the story now several times, and any story that provokes that much thought has got to be classified as good. Yeah--disturbing, but pretty good. I would (however) ask you to consider changing "he says grinning" to something like "he says sadly", because I just don't think a policeman would be happy to make such a grotesque discovery. Maybe I'm just hung up on decapitation.

Sun, 2006-01-15 00:28

mikepyro

The policeman probably isn't excited about finding head. He's excited probably that it will be he who gets the credit for the discovery. It was probably his case. Anyway, though it seemed obvious who it was that she killed, it was a very disturbing and excellent story. Kinda like se7en or the shining. Give me the beat boys and free my soul! I wanna getta lost in ya rock n' roll and drift away. Drift away...

Give me the beat boys and free my soul! I wanna getta lost in ya rock n' roll and drift away. Drift away...

Sun, 2006-01-15 01:11

I'm sorry, I just have to disagree with you, Mike. In my opinion, if the policeman was grinning at finding a bloody severed head, hidden in a box under this pathetic and clearly insane woman's bed, then the most disturbing part of the story is that the policeman was grinning. As I said, maybe this is just a personal obstacle to me appreciating the story, and isn't relevant to the average reader.

Sun, 2006-01-15 17:19

Juliet OC

I enjoyed this tale, and her sense of insanity was well portrayed. I have to agree that the policemans reaction sounds a little insane too. Unless of course he murdered her husband and put the head there. I thought the pace was just right and I like the repetition of the first paragraph as it demonstrates her state of mind. In terms of characterisation i felt both she and her husband needed a bit more axplanation. If if you are insane you will have your reasons for what you did, and i wanted to know a little more about them. A deliciously dark tale. Juliet

Juliet

Mon, 2006-01-16 18:08

(Reply to #6) #7

littleditty

Ah...*ding*...who says 'Honey' at the end? Why is this policeman happy -with 'glee' - i did think also that it was her madness, seeing the policeman as one who has 'helped' in some way, as in getting a cat out of a tree...but i think, without letting this cat (that i may have, as mentioned by Juliet?) out of the bag that i must wait for the writer of this piece to talk about it here... I think i want to read it again now - on first reading i enjoyed the present tense, short sentences, repetition - a good, entertaining read which i am off to look at again now! (Reminded me of another story about a woman whose husband is a policeman, kills him and she cooks him and serves him to his colleagues when they come round...which very famous male writer wrote that one? I can't remember :o)

Mon, 2006-01-16 18:24

camus

Roald Dahl...was a frozen leg of lamb, bashed on hubbies head then cooked and fed to policemen.

Mon, 2006-01-16 18:25

camus

Oops, misread that, is different story sorry!

Mon, 2006-01-16 20:46

(Reply to #9) #10

littleditty

Camus -thank you -it was the leg of lamb, the hubby (perhaps not a policeman too?) yes - same story! Thank you x

Mon, 2006-01-16 18:52

#11

REDCOLDWORLD

I love this story. I have a love of horror and mystery stories. I loooove it. Great ending. Great Body. Great start. Great story. Brilliant. Tyler A. McConville

Mon, 2006-01-16 21:59

#12

miawritertoo

Thank you one and all for your considerations and kind comments. Night Killer is really a work in progress - isn't everything ...at least until it is miraculously snapped up, published and either hated or adored? (Snapped up ha! I wish...) It was written from the pov of an unreliable narrator (ie a mad woman) therefore fact is less important than perception - or at least that is the theory behind it.(allegedly). I will take all your comments on board and will look at this later. This thread has been an interesting one to observe and I thank you once again. Mia

Mon, 2006-01-16 22:03

#13

miawritertoo

Btw wasn't the 'death by lamb shank' the case whereby the killer cooked the lamb murder weapon and served it to police thereby destroying the evidence? What a delicious idea...

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