When I am thirteen

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Sat, 2006-02-18 09:59

Juliet OC

When I am thirteen

http://www.abctales.com/story/galfreda/when-i-am-thirteen

i really liked the way this played with cliches.

When I am twenty-one I will be Committed 'for life'
To a mature Student with trendy shoes and glasses
And a basement flat in Brighton, and we will pour
Vinaigrette on all our salads, congratulating ourselves

yet havent we all been there!!

not sure about the last 4 lines - they seem to alter the flow - what do others think?

Juliet

Sat, 2006-02-18 19:54

QueenElf

I'm not sure about the last four lines, but yes, the rest flows well.

Lfuller

Mon, 2006-02-20 14:25

archergirl

I thought this was a great poem: reflective, bittersweet, slightly cynical. Well done!

Wed, 2006-02-22 19:35

neilmc

I will be Healed by a glowing Catholic Irish man Who dances in grey software-engineer-shoes And makes love for the First Time in his life Every time as if the First Time in his life I can see those shoes from here! Liked how the cynicism builds up, but as a necessary experience to finding the person who's right for you.

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