ANITISEPTIC CHATEAU by ilsa rabia

Mr. Whitley, thank you very much for commenting on, antiseptic chateau. I'm very happy you enjoyed it & appreciate the encouragement. - ilsa

when i was a student nurse i worked in a psychiatric hospital for a short time, this is extremely moving and original viewpoint on being a patient. I do think some of the lines need some more work, in particular the line ending 'they' seems forced to fit the rhyme. I also think the last line is not needed, it says it all the way through. the analogy with a chateau is original and clever. ty, Juliet

Juliet, thank you for reading and commenting on this poem. I appreciate your viewpoint, coming as it is, with a psychiatric nursing background. I thank you also for your suggestions. Regarding the line ending in the word, 'they,' it was written before the one ending in 'lay' came about, so rhyme was not a factor. I think rather I was going for a not so ordinary way of speaking. In any event, rhyme isn't a factor anywhere else in the poem so perhaps I could change the line to read; original: "though sheets 'n pillows bring us they," new: "though they bring us sheets 'n pillows," It's much more ordinary, but conveys the same thought. What do you think? I like the last line, however I appreciate your insight. I've received comments on this before that congratulated me for writing about such a fun "vacation resort," wishing they could have been there also. huh?? :) Again, thank you for your time and the thoughts that you shared. ilsa