never share a cigarette and Self Image by Allyb

http://www.abctales.com/story/allyb/never-share-a-cigarette

http://www.abctales.com/story/allyb/self-image

Ally I had read both your pieces and can see the emotions you are trying to describe. You also have some great descriptions:

"She wears them like stale-smelling old hand me down jumpers.

However I feel quite detached about the character in both pieces, IMO they need more background, why does the woman in 'never share a cigarette' put herself through one night stands, what happened to her?

I also feel you are tending to tell the scene rather than transporting the reader into it, for example
"She keeps her eyes on the ground as she turns her back on whoever she is with and pulls on her clothes quickly in a last-ditch attempt to preserve her dignity

Describe the moment, not a generalised statement 'whoever she is with', I want to know about who she is with now and why she picked him to spend the night with.

And finally, in 'Self image' I felt a lot of the images were tired, not new, eg. Memories scattered and piling make-up on make-up. I am learning that it is not necessarily what you write about but how you write it that engages the reader and stays with them.

Just some thoughts - Juliet