Poem of the week

i agree, particularly liked the cheese and bread images. Juliet

I think it is a good poem. I like it, but I found the final line 'warm as a new loaf' a bit of a cliche. It made me think of Sylvia Plath, who already described her baby as her 'little loaf'.

Fantastic gothic underbelly to Nook - put me in mind of a malevolent fairystory - made me think of Angela Carter.

Yup, the loaf image, 'bun in the oven', etc is a cliché - I guess I chose it because a loaf's also the classic item stolen from the privileged by the underclasses, so it felt right for a piece that's essentially a pastiche style-wise.

Gah. I'm still not 'feeling' the Rokkitnite Serious-Poet vibe. To me, this reads exactly like Tim's prose. It's very rich, with metaphors that are nearly always original and sometimes over-stretched ("silent as a wheel of cheese" - I understand why picking up a wheel of cheese might be something the maid can relate it to, but silence isn't done by-degrees - we could just have 'silent'.) As such, it reads like an extract from his notebook - sharp lines in need of a context. There's a dislocation to the whole thing - we have a character, and an incidence, but I feel like it's missing its sense of purpose as a poem. ~ I'll Show You Tyrants * Fuselit * The Prowl Log * Woe's Woe

In a broadly similar vein to Jack, for me there seems to be a lot of intelligent effort going into to this to produce nothing very much. Aside from 'silent as a wheel of cheese' which does jar, it's technically good, and there's lots of really nice bits but my overrall reaction is 'so what?' That said, I'm judging this against the very high standards Rokkitnite's set with his other work. This is still very much towards the better end of the poetry on the site in general.

silent as a wheel of cheese doesnt cut it for me either, its a misplaced comparison imo. The poem is clever, but there is more to poetry than being oh so clever clever. Having said that, I rather liked the loaf bit. It seems almost as though the poem is straining to me. I dont think its anywhere near as good as rokkit can be, and i dont think either, that its the best poem on abc this week. Sorry Tim and all that. It's all subjective after all. I guess. I think it IS fair to say that.

Thanks for all your comments. If the poem doesn't do it for you that's fair enough - all I'll say is I like the 'wheel of cheese' line because I find it mildly funny. I'm keen to write page pieces alongside my performance stuff, but it's all a learning process and I hope I get better as I go on.